Much as I Loved It, Hate it Now


Let me tell you about the kind of men that I love – smart (at least as smart as I am), insightful, articulate, well-hung, highly sought-after, in love with himself, slick enough to out-manoeuvre me, busy, high-maintenance.

I don’t know what it is about this combination of qualities that makes me lose my mind a bit, but most of the men I’ve fallen hard for in my life have been like this.

It all starts out fine, he’s not a dummy so I can feel free to use all the big words I wish. He’s full of himself so I don’t have to gas up his head. He’s got a lot going on so he’s never up in my face, and because he’s a highly-skilled competitor in the battle of the sexes, I’m never bored by him. Many other heaux are checking for him, but I’m at the top of the rotation so I’m not studying it at all. When we hang out it takes him 3 hours to get ready so he has no complaints about the fact that it takes me two.

Fast forward three, six, twelve months and some of the sheen has worn off this dude. Our witty banter now seems more like mutual mental masturbation than conversation. His ego dictates that no less than 80% of our discussions are centred around him. If he’s around that is; with his schedule I’m lucky if I get face time once a week. I don’t know what he’s up to because every time I try to ask him, he manages to matrix his way out of answering the question. And he still has many heaux chasing him, but he’s not running from them as fast as he used to.

The typical woman in this situation will be looking around asking herself who the hell is this guy? Everything used to be so great and now it’s gone to shit. This dude who used to embody her ideal man is now sucking the life out of her and she can’t understand why he changed.

Ladies, listen to me closely – he didn’t change, you did.

I suppose it would be more accurate for me to say that it’s not that the lady herself has changed, it’s actually her perception that changed. The smart, slick, cocky, pussy-slaying, busy metro dude that she was first attracted to is still there; it’s just that at some point she stopped looking at those qualities as assets and now she’s seeing them as liabilities. Next thing you know she’s trying to change him. And we all know how that goes.

Ladies I want you to commit something to memory. I learned it from the bestie and it’s something no woman should ever forget. “this is the life I chose”. Quit assuming that if you’re unfulfilled in your relationship its because of something the man has stopped doing and consider whether you may have chosen a man who isn’t wired to give you what you need. If you rate a man who is on his grind 24/7 because you’re envisioning all the Gucci shoes he can buy you, you can’t then get mad that he’s always working. If you were happier than a pig in shit to find a man who takes longer than you do to get ready, you can’t be sighing all loudly six months later (after you’ve locked him down and therefore reduced your beautification process by 2/3) because he’s still ultra-groomed. And if it made you feel like the chosen one to be seen with a dude with pussy falling out of his pocket, you can’t then turn around and get mad because he has pussy falling out of his pocket.

This seems like a pretty basic fact of life to me, but we all know my thinking can be off sometimes so tell me what you think. Have you experienced the phenomenon of being completely frustrated by the very qualities that first attracted you to someone or do I just have bad taste? Share with me in the comments.