Part of dating someone new is putting them through the paces to decipher whether they’re worth your time. What exactly those paces entail is different depending on whom you ask, but at the end of the day we all want to know how likely we are to get a giant kick in the face if we allow this person to get close to us.
Convential wisdom would dictate that we do things like keeping our private business to ourselves, not disclosing details of our past relationships, refusing to divulge the secret location of the batcave. Some
idiotic people even withhold sex. Personally, I’ve never been too good at holding things back. As I’m sure you guys are aware, I’m pretty much an open book so I had to devise an alternate system for seeing someone’s true colours.
When I first start spending time with a dude I rarely put any extreme brakes on things. I like to let things happen organically. I do watch him closely in certain situations – how he behaves tells me everything I need to know about him. What situations? I’m glad you asked! Read on:
1. How he acts when he gets up for a snack.
Say you and the dude (or the chick – these signs are all gender-neutral) are hanging out; whether it’s at his place or a restaurant really doesn’t much matter. He gets up to grab a drink, grab a snack, grab a napkin; whatever. Does he offer to get you anything? If he doesn’t, he’s probably a jackass. If he doesn’t offer and then returns to the table/bed/couch with whatever he went to get and doesn’t offer you any of it; he’s definitely a jackass.
2. How he acts when you’re sleeping.
Say it’s a weekend and you and the new boo are in post-sleepover bliss. He’s an early riser and you are not. If he’s waking you up unnecessarily, he’s probably kind of a jackass. If he’s not waking you up but he’s making a whole heap of noise in the room around you so that he’s ipso facto waking you up, he’s definitely a jackass. If he quietly leaves the room and does what he needs to do without disturbing your sleep, he can stay. For now.
4. How the wakes you up.
Let’s take the above scenario but switch it up so that you’re sleeping but you actually need to get up for some reason and it’s his job to wake you. How he does this will tell you everything you need to know about him. Waking up should be a gentle process; you should not be blasted out of your sleep by loud noises, rough-ass shoulder shakes, or penises trying to jab themselves into your exit door. If he can’t find a delicate way to wake you, he fails at humanity.
6. How he behaves when he’s sick.
Now I know it’s the done thing for women to complain about how men whine and cry like they’re the first one to ever suffer the common cold, but that isn’t what I was going to say. But there are three types of sick men in the world:
1. Men who are clearly sick but refuse to admit it and are trying to live their regular lives and infecting everyone else. These men are likely assholes because only an asshole would make you think that you are exempt from illness.
2. Men who get the sniffles and take to their bed like Beth in Little Women; sighing dramatically and ringing a bell to summon you to bring him tea, wipe his
ass nose, change the channel, make him soup, and he will not say thank you for any of it . Also an asshole.
3. Men who admit that they’re sick, rest their skins so they can get better, but still can rouse themselves to do basic things like wipe their own asses and throw out their own snotty tissues. He can stay.
5. How he behaves when you’re sick.
Let’s look back at these same dudes we just talked about:
1. This guy is still an asshole because he will expect you to behave in the same stupid-ass be a soldier way and will have no sympathy for you if you do so much as ask him to hand you a tissue.
2. If you think this dude will provide the same level of care and attention he demanded from you when he was sick. You’re an asshole. And so is he.
3. This guy will do what he can to help make you comfortable, but he’s not going to tolerate too much hysteria from you. Get too dramatic and he’ll probably give you a quick hush mama and send you on your way. And as we all know, a man who gives a good hush mama is a man to hold on to.
So what do you guys think? Are these behaviours enough to tell whether someone is worth holding on to? What signs do you look for when you’re making up your mind about someone? Speak on it in the comments.
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