5 Signs He’s Not Worth It

Part of dating someone new is putting them through the paces to decipher whether they’re worth your time. What exactly those paces entail is different depending on whom you ask, but at the end of the day we all want to know how likely we are to get a giant kick in the face if we allow this person to get close to us.

Convential wisdom would dictate that we do things like keeping our private business to ourselves, not disclosing details of our past relationships, refusing to divulge the secret location of the batcave. Some idiotic people even withhold sex. Personally, I’ve never been too good at holding things back.  As I’m sure you guys are aware, I’m pretty much an open book so I had to devise an alternate system for seeing someone’s true colours.

When I first start spending time with a dude I rarely put any extreme brakes on things. I like to let things happen organically. I do watch him closely in certain situations – how he behaves tells me everything I need to know about him. What situations? I’m glad you asked! Read on:

1. How he acts when he gets up for a snack.

Say you and the dude (or the chick – these signs are all gender-neutral) are hanging out; whether it’s at his place or a restaurant really doesn’t much matter. He gets up to grab a drink, grab a snack, grab a napkin; whatever. Does he offer to get you anything? If he doesn’t, he’s probably a jackass. If he doesn’t offer and then returns to the table/bed/couch with whatever he went to get and doesn’t offer you any of it; he’s definitely a jackass.

2. How he acts when you’re sleeping.

Say it’s a weekend and you and the new boo are in post-sleepover bliss. He’s an early riser and you are not. If he’s waking you up unnecessarily, he’s probably kind of a jackass. If he’s not waking you up but he’s making a whole heap of noise in the room around you so that he’s ipso facto waking you up, he’s definitely a jackass. If he quietly leaves the room and does what he needs to do without disturbing your sleep, he can stay. For now.

4. How the wakes you up.

Let’s take the above scenario but switch it up so that you’re sleeping but you actually need to get up for some reason and it’s his job to wake you. How he does this will tell you everything you need to know about him. Waking up should be a gentle process; you should not be blasted out of your sleep by loud noises, rough-ass shoulder shakes, or penises trying to jab themselves into your exit door. If he can’t find a delicate way to wake you, he fails at humanity.

6. How he behaves when he’s sick.

Now I know it’s the done thing for women to complain about how men whine and cry like they’re the first one to ever suffer the common cold, but that isn’t what I was going to say. But there are three types of sick men in the world:

1. Men who are clearly sick but refuse to admit it and are trying to live their regular lives and infecting everyone else. These men are likely assholes because only an asshole would make you think that you are exempt from illness.
2. Men who get the sniffles and take to their bed like Beth in Little Women; sighing dramatically and ringing a bell to summon you to bring him tea, wipe his ass nose, change the channel, make him soup, and he will not say thank you for any of it . Also an asshole.
3. Men who admit that they’re sick, rest their skins so they can get better, but still can rouse themselves to do basic things like wipe their own asses and throw out their own snotty tissues. He can stay.

5. How he behaves when you’re sick.

Let’s look back at these same dudes we just talked about:

1. This guy is still an asshole because he will expect you to behave in the same stupid-ass be a soldier way and will have no sympathy for you if you do so much as ask him to hand you a tissue.
2. If you think this dude will provide the same level of care and attention he demanded from you when he was sick. You’re an asshole. And so is he.
3. This guy will do what he can to help make you comfortable, but he’s not going to tolerate too much hysteria from you. Get too dramatic and he’ll probably give you a quick hush mama and send you on your way. And as we all know,  a man who gives a good hush mama is a man to hold on to.

So what do you guys think? Are these behaviours enough to tell whether someone is worth holding on to? What signs do you look for when you’re making up your mind about someone? Speak on it in the comments.

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 36

  1. Sukez says:

    Max, your impeccable numbering skills increases my love for you lol

    I love this list. That is all. #TalklessTuesday

  2. Funms says:

    I agree with you….

    I once had a guy sleep over and he kept making so much noise moving around till i finally opened my eyes and his first question was ‘Oh did i wake you’? I’m sorry, so how about you make some breakfast now you are awake’…

    Jackass…..that was the end of him

  3. emti says:

    I absolutely agree with #1 and #6. It’s very important to me that the person I’m with be empathetic.

    Another important clue for me (not just with men i’m with but with friends in general) is how they treat people in service positions such as waitresses and cab drivers. I can’t stand a rude person. A man who is rude to people he thinks are beneath them is a panty meat trying to look cool.

    1. For you ladies… be wary of men who are fans of sports teams from cities they are not from. Espcially if they happen to be Laker or Cowboy fans and they’re not from California or Texas. And, “I’ve liked them since I was a kid” or “I like teams that win” are not valid reasons.

      An example of a valid reason would be like, “I grew up in brooklyn, my grandfather loved the Dodgers even after they left Brooklyn for LA. I have fond memories of watching games with him when I was a child – been a dodger fan ever since and I secretly dream of becoming a billionaire, buying the team and moving them back to BK.”

      I love emti’s example with waiters and cab drivers. How he treats them is definitely indicative of his character.

      1. max says:

        Ha! This makes sense if you are from anywhere other than Toronto but it doesn’t really rock here.

    2. B_P says:

      Hey, I said the same thing as you….it is a good sign.

    3. Sukez says:

      You did bring up a good point. Since I’ve had all sorts of customer service jobs, I feel like I know how people like waiters and cab drivers would want to be treated by others. And I like to watch reactions (of the guy) if food is late or cab is late or something goes off course. *two snaps* I like. Sorry. I wanted to agree earlier but I was busy picking on Count Max. 1…2…3.. *thunder cracks* Ha ha ha, I luv it!

  4. B_P says:

    This list is great Max. I am going to print it out and add it to the folder of Wisdom.
    I always look at how a man treats the server, maître d’, cleaning lady etc. If he acts like a pompous ass I cut’em loose STAT. I like men with big egos but if you don’t know how to treat people with respect ( including myself) I run for the hills.

    1. B_P says:

      Oh I wanted to add how a man talks about his ex. If he calls her out of her name (unless she thronxed his best friend and broke his heart) I have a problem with it. It makes me think he will bad mouth me and may be a Bitter Billy.

      1. max says:

        Ex is a good one – especially if said ex is the mother of his child.

        1. B_P says:

          Right! She was good enough to have a baby with…but now she is a mothaeffinbish? GOH!

      2. onyeka says:

        I was just going to say this one!! It’s definitely an indicator of his true self.

    2. gp says:

      That’s a really good one. I met a dude Sunday night @ the club (flag #1). He was charming, nice and a sweet talker… He offered to buy me a drink from “his” bartender. The bartender made my drink and placed it down. I reached for the glass, and then this dude puts it back down and starts yelling at the bartender loudly. Apparently, the bartender should have known to put my drink in a wine cup and not a regular glass. He offered me his # but that thing is balled up in the parking garage somewhere. I’m not interested in a dude who can go from Mr. Nice to the incredible friggin’ Hulk in 5 seconds !!!

      1. B_P says:

        * High five to GP*
        I giggled at the visual of his rolled up number on the floor of the parking lot.

  5. Nick@Nite says:

    Your list is a good one..
    When I was sick, I couldn’t send my ex to go get me orange juice. .

    Dude I dealt with after him drove 15 miles (that’s a big deal here) to go to the supermarket and buy me food for my fridge..
    When his car wasn’t working, he called my mother and coordinated to give her money to buy food for me.. I’d never been treated like that before..

    I would add:
    How does he behave when something doesn’t go as planned..
    ex 1: My ex got a flat tire (the car was in his driveway, mind you.. we weren’t on the side of the road) and I had to stand there while he cussed and screamed. Then I had to calm HIM down and tell him how we were gonna proceed to get the tire taken care of.. *ultimate facepalm*
    ex. 2: my ex forgot my birthday. .he thought it was 10 days later than the actual date o_O (it’s the same day every year!) i told him that he forgot it and had to sit there while he punched the wall.. when he was done i looked at him and said, “remember me, i’m the one whose birthday you forgot..”
    *ASS*

    1. emti says:

      One of my exes broke up with me because after being diagnosed with a chronic conditions I had “changed”…

      1. Marie says:

        a$$h@le ?? you are better without him.

  6. streetztalk says:

    This list is hilarious!

    I demand a blog on why you refuse to follow numerical order tho…

    1. Sukez says:

      I cosign what the Scorpio said. Your disability to correctly list things tickles me but damn Max. Lol what happens when someone goes “1…2…3…Go!” do you stay still because you expect 4 to come after 3? Lol I <3 you. Don't change fo' no ho! ^_^

        1. Sukez says:

          He’s gassing it. Lmao like Martin said, “Girl you know I luv ya!” but *scans and skims post* 3 is dead missing. Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9. *bada-da* (drum sound) lol ok iQuit

          1. max says:

            You guys are so RANK.

            1. Sukez says:

              You don’t mean that :) *come to mama*

            2. Marie says:

              ;) The violence has to stop. You should use letters now ex. A. B. C. then a. b. c. etc….

  7. average chick says:

    This is an excellent post and SO TRUE!!!

  8. gp says:

    Sigh… We never sleep over, we haven’t been sick during our relationship and he’s never gotten up to get a snack. Add more to the list plz!!! lol

  9. SaneN85 says:

    I gotta tell ya, I haven’t gotten far enough with a man in a long time to actually consider these issues. I’ve gotten as far as them BS’ing on the first “date”. I’m too exhausted with the whole process to recount these situations right now, I’m getting a headache thinking about it.

  10. Ms.G says:

    The sharing of snacks & how he treats restaurant staff is something I always pay close attention to you , this is how we can determine how much of an ass he is foreal! ( N I’ve dated many I seem to attract them smh!) but anyways loved the post your blog makes me laugh a ton bc you always say the right things!

    P.S what your sign?

    1. max says:

      Thank you!
      p.s. I’m a Libra. Birthday is in 16 days.

  11. Forgive me, I’m about to toot my own horn a lil bit… (pause – maybe?) – but, this list kinda reconfirms that I’m a pretty awesome guy.

    I mean, I always get snacks or drinks or anything else for 2.
    I can’t sleep past 8AM, so, when I wake up, I get up and leave the bedroom.
    When she needs to be awake and is not, I start with kisses… and work my way up to nudges. (sometimes, she needs a good shake though).
    I’ve never been sick… no really, like, I’ve never had a cold. My wife thinks I’m half vampire. When she’s sick, she’s the center of the universe.

    In terms of emti’s comment about people with service jobs… usually, I feel more akin to them than anyone else. I work in a borderline snobbish office building. I’m extra cool with the security guards, the cafeteria ladies, the dude who emptys my trash at night, the dude who shines my shoes and at restaurants, I always make conversation with the server and tip huge for great service.

    Max, you should flip this for the dudes and make it a test. Like… a “do women think i’m an a**hole” test.

    1. max says:

      You tooting your own horn definitely warrants a pause.

    2. BGirl says:

      Your wife is a luck lady. You should teach classes.

      *applause*

  12. Sooooo late on this but I’ve been meaning to read this since you tweeted it this morning **bad Sunshine**

    This is an awesome list. I also co-sign on the exes and service members. I look to see how guys feel about me and my job. If I work late did you eat without me or did you leave me something? I hate people who only think of themselves. hate.hate.hate.

  13. Kyla says:

    This post was very informative! I enjoy dating sites like yours! I am going to dump him tomorrow!

  14. Domonique says:

    You are amazing. I just found your blog and I’m in love!

  15. These are genuinely fantastic ideas in on the topic of blogging.
    You have touched some good points here. Any way keep up wrinting.

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