5 Things I Want in a Man That I Don’t Have Myself



Another post inspired by Until I Get Married – I swear that guy has the best ideas!

I’m sure I’ve blogged about this at some point in time, but I don’t really believe in opposites attract. I mean yeah it’s a romantic idea and all that, but relationships are hard enough without putting the added stress of having absolutely nothing in common with your partner on top of them. That being said, I see some definite appeal in getting involved with a dude who brings to the table some of the things I lack. Even though I think I’m technically not allowed to want that.


Without further ado, I give you five qualities I need in a man that I don’t have myself:

1. I like men who are in shape even though I am not.

This is pure superficiality on my part but I don’t care. Any man who is going to lock Max down needs to have his physical fitness on point. There can only be one softie in our relationship and that is me. So yeah – I’d prefer you to be all ripped and shit if we’re gonna get down. Bony is okay too as long as your thighs are bigger than mine.

2. I need a man who is good at math even though I am certified mathematically-retarded

Thanks Jozen for pointing this one out because I might have missed it but it’s sooo key. I am hopeless when it comes to numbers, so I’m gonna need Mr. Max to take the reins when it comes to things like counting change, telling time, and making sure we’re on track to have chex 730 times a year.

3. I need a man who is responsible even though I sometimes spend my rent money on shoes am sometimes not.

Everyone has a philosophy when it comes to finance; some people say “a penny saved is a penny earned”, for others it’s “waste not, want not”. Me? My philosophy goes like this: “Daddy I need $300!”. Oh wait – no that’s Hillary Banks, isn’t it? Mine is “money flows freely and easily”. Therefore in my world, spending the gas money on books or rent money on shoes is okay because some replacement money is going to flow in from your wallet somewhere to make it all okay. Which is why I need a man to put a firm hold on the purse strings.

3. I need a man who is cool even though I am a nerd.

Stunningly beautiful though I may be, At heart I am really just a nerd. My idea of a hot Saturday night is a trip to Goodwill for books (I just love the musty smell), a stop at Timothy’s for a coffee, and a couple hours perusing Wikipedia. Left to my own devices I would never watch TV, listen to music created after 1999, or stay up past 11 o’clock.  I mean, I’m the kind of girl who will show up to a dude’s house at 3am naked under a trench coat and get so caught up reading his coffee table books that I forget to take off the coat. So for me to wife a dude who is as cerebral as I am would likely result in the two of us living in the land that time forgot.

5. I need a man with a big heart even though mine is a little dried-up stone.

After all these years of being single, my heart has withered up. If you guys read my guest post on SBM you know that my philosophy on romance goes a little something like this: Eff Love. I have all the love in the world for my friends and family, but when it comes to that one true love, I’d rather have a V8. Any man who wants to settle down with me needs an abundance of love to make up for the minimal output I’m capable of and a whole lotta patience.

So that’s my list – what do you guys think? Is it okay for me to want these qualities in a man when I don’t possess them myself? What qualities do you need your mate to have that you might be a little shaky on yourself? Speak on it in the comments.

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bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 16

  1. MsEsquire77 says:

    Men and women are visual creatures so I think we all want #1 to some extent. As for the rest of your list it sounds like you’re looking for someone to complement you and that’s okay. I’m the same way and I think most people are. No one wants to date their polar opposite or a carbon copy.

    Things I’d like: 2) I’m great at planning but not particularly impulsive. I want a man who can help me be more spontaneous. 2) I’m a bit of a homebody (dinner/wine + Scrabble + sex= a great evening) but I’d like a man who makes me get out of the house more and scratch some things off my bucket list. 3) I have a mild case of (self-diagnosed) OCD when it comes to cleanliness. I could never date a slob but I do need someone who can remind me that everything doesn’t have to be “just so” all the time.

    Great post Maxi 🙂

    1. max says:

      Thanks love. I like your picks!

      1. MsEsquire77 says:

        Max, I just realized that I messed up my numbers! Your craziness is contagious…o_O at both of us.

  2. Reecie says:

    good list. I sometimes crush on teddy bear types, so he doesn’t have to be cut up–but not sloppy fat either–just solid. However, if he’s not a teddy bear he needs to be fit. lol. I think its natural to like people that are kinda opposites in you, but things like fiscal responsibility seems like it would be hard to get along with someone very different than you in that regard. Especially if you are planning a life together–just dating maybe not a big deal.

    I don’t think I have any preferences for a man that I’m shaky on. hmm. Maybe someone that pushed me to be more spontaneous like MsEsquire said too. I’m a super planner, but I’d like someone else to take the reigns or just grab me and say lets go!

    1. max says:

      You’re right. It’s not fair for me to try to build a life with someone and I’m out dropping bill money at Sephora. That might make the relationship a little rocky 🙂

    2. GirlSixx says:

      “I sometimes crush on teddy bear types, so he doesn’t have to be cut up–but not sloppy fat either–just solid”

      I smell you on this!!! I don’t need a man to have a 6pack who stays in the gym 24/7 buuut at least hit the gym at least 2 – 3 times a week like I do and look GOOD in his clothes.

      At this point in my life (embarking on bachelorettehood after 10 yrs of marriage) I can’t sit here and list specific things I want in a future man because shuuuu I am still trying to figure out what I have to offer besides the physical things. So I will sit this post out and just lurk tonite and tomorrow and get my cosign and giggle on.

      Once again Ms. Max you deliver as always…

  3. jemeni says:

    AWESOME!!! Loved it! “0)

    1. max says:

      Thanks Jemmers!

  4. average chick says:

    My list:

    1. Good with finances – I could use help in this department. I try every paycheck to save but it doesn’t work out.

    2. Ambitious – To see someone so close to me that is motivated might help me to finally get my butt in gear to go to grad school.

    3. Outgoing – I am too old to be shy but I am. I would like someone that can talk to anyone.

    4. Nasty – I am nasty but I want someone that makes me shake my head and think “damn, he’s a freak!!”

    5. Adventurous (not sure of the spelling) – I want someone to help bring the wild side of me.

  5. yeah i’m a stickler about being in shape. whoever i’m with is going to have to be active and work out at least twice a week.

    other than that i doubt i could be with someone who isn’t financially responsible.

    btw the way today is septebmer 1st. the birthday month has officially begun. are you ready for the 30th?

    1. max says:

      I’m soooo excited! The countdown has begun – I will be harassing everyone on a daily basis to make sure they don’t forget.

      I’m just sad that my twitter and blog peeps can’t be here for my birthday party 🙁

  6. thefabfoodie says:

    I think it’s totally cool to look for qualities in a man that you feel you lack. It’s kinda balancing the yin to your yang. I think it actually adds texture to your relationship, because there may be areas where he is lacking that are your strengths. I think my only point on my own list is that he needs to be more sexually adventurous than me – not that I’m a prude, but I tend to get a little shy sometimes when it’s time to get it. My friends say I’ve “lost my mojo”. If anyone sees it, please send it home – there is a reward. 🙂

  7. Nick@Nite says:

    Great Post!!

    what do I want in a mate:
    -someone that is mellow.. not to be confused with being passive.. but i’m hyper (more than usual) so I value anyone that is able to calm me down. I love anything that can mellow me out. music, environment, a specific person..

    – someone political..
    I’m not expecting a Black Panther revolutionary.. but I’m a novice when it comes to politics. I always love to learn and at the top of my list is learning about politics. I want to know why you vote the way you do.. Or why everyone within the party is angry.

    That’s all I got for now..

  8. Candice says:

    I feel like this post is talking about me !!! Especially 1,2 and 3 !! :DD

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