First things first – have you voted for me yet?All the info you need is right here.
I live alone. The greatest sentence in the history of adulthood. There is no greater bliss than having a domain of which you are the sole master; where anything goes and no one can tell you what to do.
At some point of every day I will say a thank you to the gods of habitation for blessing me with my own space. But I am never more grateful for my solitude than when I’m engaging in some sloth.
See I’m not a dirty or particularly messy girl, but I definitely have some bad habits around the house. These are things that make perfect sense to me but annoy the shit out of anyone who has to live with me…and I can’t even blame them.
And so – since we keep it real on Thursdays – allow me to share with you my Top 10 Bad Home Habits:
1. Wasting paper towels.
Anyone who knows me in real life knows I’m more than a bit squeamish. Therefore anything that is touching anything that’s going in my mouth – dishes, cutlery, penises, countertops – must be vigourously washed and sprayed with vinegar before it touches me. I also have to fanatically wash my hands before I even think about touching food. This means I use a whole lot of paper towels; because using a fresh dish towel every time I need to dry something means too much laundry. On average I use no less than three paper towels to dry my hands. Multiply that by the fact that I wash my hands no fewer than 10 times a day and you see the problem don’t you?
2. I keep empty water bottles in the fridge.
I basically only drink bottled water and every time I finish a bottle I throw it back in the fridge. I don’t know why I do this.
3. I don’t replace the toilet paper roll.
Yes I am that person who takes the fresh roll and places it on top of the empty one. Life is short and I don’t have the kind of time that switching it would require.
4. I never turn off/unplug anything.
Blame my parents for this. They basically used to follow us around switching appliances off if we took our eyes off them for one second. In my house, the flat iron and heating pad are always plugged in, the laptop and lights are always turned on. Thank God for the phrase “hydro included”.
5. I hate air conditioning and fans.
If you come to my house on a hot day you have three choices to relieve yourself: go on the balcony, remove your clothes, or take the fan into another room. I hate the feeling of cold air hitting me so I’ve made sure that’s not possible at casa maxfab.
4. Taking out the garbage is a man’s job.
And I am not a man. Therefore it rarely gets done here. You don’t want to know what kinds of measures I take to endure my house doesn’t stink of old food.
6. I keep the salt in the living room.
That’s where I eat and therefore where I use the salt – where else would I keep it?
7. Ironing is an exercise in futility.
Ironing is the one domestic art that I despise and have no desire to master. It’s the dumbest thing ever! You spend all this time pressing wrinkles out of your clothes and then the minute you step out your house it’s wrinkled again. Nope.
8. There is no making of the bed.
I’m getting back in there as soon as possible. If it’s made it will only slow me down.
9. The tv volume never goes above 3.
The rule in my house is this: if you don’t have to concentrate really hard to hear the television, it’s too effing loud. In my house not having supersonic hearing means you’ll need to press your ears up against the speaker because I get stabby when the tv is too loud.
10. The dishes dry themselves.
Washing and drying a knife right before I go in on a bagel is one thing. Washing a full sink of dishes I’d quite another. In my house clean dishes go straight from the sink to the cupboard with not even the most cursory rub with a paper towel. Why is this? Because dishes dry themselves!
But what do you all think? Men do my bad home habits make you not want to live with me? Ladies don you have any wutless ways you’d like to share? Speak in it in the comments.
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