Bad Home Habits – Max in Real Life

First things first – have you voted for me yet?All the info you need is right here.
 
I live alone. The greatest sentence in the history of adulthood. There is no greater bliss than having a domain of which you are the sole master; where anything goes and no one can tell you what to do.

At some point of every day I will say a thank you to the gods of habitation for blessing me with my own space. But I am never more grateful for my solitude than when I’m engaging in some sloth.

See I’m not a dirty or particularly messy girl, but I definitely have some bad habits around the house. These are things that make perfect sense to me but annoy the shit out of anyone who has to live with me…and I can’t even blame them.

And so – since we keep it real on Thursdays – allow me to share with you my Top 10 Bad Home Habits:

1. Wasting paper towels.

Anyone who knows me in real life knows I’m more than a bit squeamish. Therefore anything that is touching anything that’s going in my mouth – dishes, cutlery, penises, countertops – must be vigourously washed and sprayed with vinegar before it touches me. I also have to fanatically wash my hands before I even think about touching food. This means I use a whole lot of paper towels; because using a fresh dish towel every time I need to dry something means too much laundry. On average I use no less than three paper towels to dry my hands. Multiply that by the fact that I wash my hands no fewer than 10 times a day and you see the problem don’t you?

2. I keep empty water bottles in the fridge.

I basically only drink bottled water and every time I finish a bottle I throw it back in the fridge. I don’t know why I do this.

3. I don’t replace the toilet paper roll.

Yes I am that person who takes the fresh roll and places it on top of the empty one. Life is short and I don’t have the kind of time that switching it would require.

4. I never turn off/unplug anything.

Blame my parents for this. They basically used to follow us around switching appliances off if we took our eyes off them for one second. In my house, the flat iron and heating pad are always plugged in, the laptop and lights are always turned on. Thank God for the phrase “hydro included”.

5. I hate air conditioning and fans.

If you come to my house on a hot day you have three choices to relieve yourself: go on the balcony, remove your clothes, or take the fan into another room. I hate the feeling of cold air hitting me so I’ve made sure that’s not possible at casa maxfab.

4. Taking out the garbage is a man’s job.

And I am not a man. Therefore it rarely gets done here. You don’t want to know what kinds of measures I take to endure my house doesn’t stink of old food.

6. I keep the salt in the living room.

That’s where I eat and therefore where I use the salt – where else would I keep it?

7. Ironing is an exercise in futility.

Ironing is the one domestic art that I despise and have no desire to master. It’s the dumbest thing ever! You spend all this time pressing wrinkles out of your clothes and then the minute you step out your house it’s wrinkled again. Nope.


8. There is no making of the bed.

I’m getting back in there as soon as possible. If it’s made it will only slow me down.

9. The tv volume never goes above 3.

The rule in my house is this: if you don’t have to concentrate really hard to hear the television, it’s too effing loud. In my house not having supersonic hearing means you’ll need to press your ears up against the speaker because I get stabby when the tv is too loud.


10. The dishes dry themselves.

Washing and drying a knife right before I go in on a bagel is one thing. Washing a full sink of dishes I’d quite another. In my house clean dishes go straight from the sink to the cupboard with not even the most cursory rub with a paper towel. Why is this? Because dishes dry themselves!

But what do you all think? Men do my bad home habits make you not want to live with me? Ladies don you have any wutless ways you’d like to share? Speak in it in the comments.

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 20

  1. Gem of the Oceanq says:

    lol max you are a mess!! and i LOVE it!!! this list is great, even though i dont have any of the same problems lol.

    save one–the empty water bottle thing lmao. i am a water snob and typically only drink spring water in bottles. and i too put empty (well damn near empty, theres still like a few tbsps left in there) back in the frifge. i like my water COLD, even in small amounts lol. *smh* it is kinda sad tho….
    My recent post Its Just Natural Hair- Relax!

  2. Reecie says:

    I laughed! I also hate ironing, I don't change the toilet paper roll right away, and I don't dry my dishes by hand. LOL I do put them in the drain to dry before putting them away.

    I have a girlfriend that also insists taking out the trash is a man's job–I don't disagree but I abhor smells so I take the trash out probably 2-3 times a week. Its not that big of a deal to me, a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. I remember my mom cutting the lawn when I was a kid and I vowed that was something I'd never do. The smell of grass alone makes me itch. but since I don't have one yet I've never had to do it…

    and let me find out your house is a sweatbox, LMAO

  3. __melissa says:

    ahhh the joys of living alone. I find myself doing things (or not doing things) just to spite my parents for when I lived under their roof. Like, it doesn't bother me to leave cupboards open or dishes in the sink. I do it because I can!

    i also do not iron, keep my nailpolish/lotions/tweezers/personal care items in my living room cuz that's where I do all that stuff, and I just throw my comforter over the sheets and call that making the bed. Apparently, that's not how to make your bed but its what I do.

  4. maxfab says:

    LOL my sister and I were just talking about how we are a little lax (to say the least) in our housekeeping as a reaction to our upbringing. To us, messiness = freedom. And I didn't even think to include this, but I NEVER close cupboard doors. I annoy myself with that!

    I, too keep my nail polish in the living room :)

    1. Carlos says:

      Ronron, I was dropping the kids off at sohocl one morning and theirs a couple of the oul dears standing around swearing and spitting (I kid you not), anyway one of the ould dears dressed in her Liverpool jammies is saying she’s fuckin’ freezin’, and I’m standing there thinking of course you are you silly old bint, your not fuckin’ dressed your in yer pyjama’s, the mind boggles.I had a friend over from Berlin for the New Year she’s a bit of a raver, she tells me that at certain techno raves that she attends people are turning up in, yes you’ve guessed it pyjamas, art imitating life, well blow me over with a feather. Don’t be surprised to see Kate Moss or some other skinny floozy strutting the catwalks of Milan in a pair of D&G pyjamas.

  5. maxfab says:

    LOL I'm glad to find another water bottle hoarder! At least you have some semblance of a reason for it…I have no clue why I do it.

  6. maxfab says:

    Sigh. The trash. Bane of my existence.

  7. Reecie says:

    OMG leaving cupboards open would drive me batty.

    I do leave dishes in the sink though. lol
    My recent post Growing Pains

  8. nicknotnikki says:

    Lol..
    I don't live alone and I still have habits..

    – I don't like light.
    I will leave the blinds closed until the sun is setting, THEN i'll open them (since sunset is my favorite time of day). If no one is home, you'll find me watching tv, using the computer in the dark.

    – Whenever possible, I want fresh air.
    This bothers everyone because I'm the only one inthe house that's always cold. If there's the slightest breeze, then I'm turning the A/C off. I live in Florida tho, the patio door open mostly happens in the fall.. (I LOVE the fall)

    – I hoard food.
    It's not so much that i'm always hungry as I want to have options when i do get hungry.. this is in direct correlation to my brother always eating my food growing up. Now, i hoard it, and most of it ends up thrown away because i let it spoil by not eating it..

    and that's just the tip of the iceberg…
    My recent post Poor guy- He Failed…

  9. MadScientist7 says:

    you and i would not get along. for the past week i've been sleeping with my air conditioner on as well as my fan. i hate being hot and i'm a hot natured person so i like my house as cool as possible. also, i think i have a hearing problem but only when it comes to television. i like my tv as loud as possible.

    one thing i can't stand though is when people leave the shower curtain open when they are done in the shower. it takes little effort to pull it closed. o_0
    My recent post 8 years and counting

  10. maxfab says:

    I always close the shower curtain. It doesn't look right when it's open!

  11. maxfab says:

    Okay the creature of darkness thing would so not work for me. I stay leaving the lights on in my house.

  12. nicknotnikki says:

    the shower curtain thing is a necessity in my house.. my mother actually goes apesh*t if it's left open..

    My recent post Poor guy- He Failed…

  13. N.I.A. naturally says:

    LOL!! great post!

    I can co-sign 7 and 8. I hate ironing, and I never make the bed. I usually just pull the covers up and call it a day.

    However, the air conditioning/fan thing would drive me crazy. I keep my ceiling fan on at night, and the air is on during these hot Southern summers. I can't sleep when I'm hot.

    Oh, and that toilet paper thing would be a problem. Toilet paper and paper towels have to be replenished as soon as the roll is empty. smh… the things I'm anal about. lol.

  14. Lady charlie says:

    I don't like the light. I think my candles do just fine. but *I get u with the Air conditioner and fans.

  15. B_P says:

    I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE YOUR BLOG! I started reading it at work and just had to finish once I got home.

    Cosign on # 3, 4, (both of them, did you do that on purpose) and especially # 8.

    Thanks for the evening laugh!

  16. Marie says:

    I leave the shower curtain open when I am done. When I will go shower again, I won't have to open it.
    #7 & 8, 9- no ironing for me – same for the bed – no tv, i barely watch tv. I don't watch tv in canada, I don't think about it and didn't have the opportunity (I have been here for 1 year already)
    no heat but no AC or fan (if possible) natural breeze is better
    There is nothing I am anal about however I keep everywhere clean because I don't like to clean. I think I have better things to do then spend my saturdays cleaning. There are housekeepers ( I don't have one yet, but I will asap).
    I only go grocery shopping when the cupboard and the fridge are bare. ex. if I have to eat past a and chicken for breakfast I will as long as there is food in the house, I don't go to the grocery store.
    I always have something for everybody. my friend likes banana juice, then I will keep a bottle of it in the house.

  17. emti says:

    hey b_p the more you read this blog the more you will learn that max (genius as she is) cannot count.
    we, her faithful readers, have not yet figured out if she's doing it on purpose

  18. maxfab says:

    "Toilet paper and paper towels have to be replenished as soon as the roll is empty".

    LOL that sentenced reminded me so much of my mum. I got chills.

  19. maxfab says:

    Thanks!

    And yeah – I can't count for sh*t so expect to see a lot of numerical errors.

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