Things You Can Blame on My Ex

Like any evolved human being, I’m on a constant quest to improve and grow as I travel down life’s long road. I try to cultivate good habits and phase out bad ones except smoking; I love smoking and recognize the roots and triggers of my behaviour. I also try to get rid of as much past relationship baggage as I can. All things considered, I think I travel pretty light for a perpetually single girl staring 35 in the face.

Lately though as I’ve been scrambling for more past experiences to exploit in this blog giving my past some deep thought; I’ve realized that I do have some ways that can be directly attributed to my past experiences in relationships. But I’m not sure whether that’s such a bad thing.

And as with anything I can’t make my mind up about, I figured, why not blog about it? So without further ado, I give you Things You Can Blame on My Ex. You guys tell me whether I should try to overcome them or thank the asshole ex who caused them.

1. I don’t know when to pack it in

Most of you guys have heard this story enough times that I don’t need to go into much detail here…threw in the towel with my first love way too early, regretted it for the rest of my life, blah blah blah. Ever since that happened,I have this pathological need to see every significant relationship through to its bitterest end. Although I’m good at counseling people to recognize signs of trouble ahead and get out early; I seem to stick around until I’m a beaten and bloody mess. Which obviously means I endure a little more pain than necessary; but then again when all is said and done and I finally do move on it’s without a backward glance, because I know for sure I did all I could.

2. I cannot handle bad manners

Most of the men I’ve been in relationships with started out with bad manners; not returning phone calls in a timely manner, showing up late, not calling the day after the first slam and just being generally unreliable. But like many stupid women, I dismissed it as it being too early in the relationship to concern myself about these things; only to end up with the same behaviours repeated ad nauseum as the relationship progressed. These days you get only a few chances before I dismiss you as a jackass and relegate you to jump-off status.

3. I don’t do secret relationships

Although I respect the inclination to keep one’s private life private and have experienced on more than one occasion the damage that gossip can do; I do not rate a man who wants to keep his affection for me a secret. If we’re just boning that’s one thing – I have as much to gain by holding that down as you do. But if it means something; we’re friends, we’re dating, we’re falling in love and you a)ask me not to tell anyone or b)are going to lengths to make sure no one knows, you fail at life and I’m taking my goodness elsewhere. I just can’t with that situation ever again.

5. I don’t sneak around

I can keep a secret, but I don’t like doing it. So I don’t do things that necessitate being sneaky. If I’m in a relationship and I don’t want to be monogamous; I just say so. That way I don’t have to hide the fact that I’m sleeping with your homeboy seeing other people. If I write a salacious blog that gives immature men that I’m a big whore-bag; I’m not hiding it. Oh wait – yes I am. Scratch that one. But you get what I’m saying.

6. I don’t (blindly) trust my girlfriends

I learned this one from a dude I dated who was a spectacular asshole but opened my eyes to a lot of stuff I was oblivious to. Things like girlfriends who encourage you to break up with your man because he’s a player but then are quick to press up on him once you turn your head. Or just single and miserable girls who will sabotage your relationship just so they can have company on their girls-only flex. And things like girls will flat-out lie to your face just to salt up you relationship if they have a “reason” to.

Sidebar: the friends I have are different now than the ones I had when I was learning these tough lessons. I don’t think these ones would pull this shit. But still…

So what do you guys think? Should I be working harder to unload the baggage that my exes have left me with or are these lessons worth applying to my current life? What good/bad ways do you have that you can attribute to your ex? Speak on it in the comments.

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 7

  1. @mzwoods says:

    I think all but the first one are pretty much positive things you have learned over the course of your dating life. We are all going to learn things from our exes (hopefully for the better) which make it easier for us to relate to people later on down the line. And you should most definitely thank the ex for teaching you ;)

    Now the 1st one I think is definitely something more emotionally based and something you may actually want to examine a bit further though you already seem to have a grasp on exactly why you do it. I wouldn't say it's an entirely bad thing, but as I have recently begun telling myself, if you don't have to put yourself through it because you already know what is going to happen then why bother. In the end all you are doing is extending the agony for yourself rather than cutting it and letting it go. Which I bet if you cut it off sooner you would still walk away without looking back because you still knew it was over and it needed to end. There is a difference between wanting to be optimistic and seeing the good in people and just being afraid of having to experience something that happened in the past over again. As my personal motto goes "Everything happens for a reason"….and that means EVERYTHING so if you let someone go and you are meant to be with them then you will reconnect somewhere down the line in some way.

  2. Sam Sharpe says:

    maxie,

    #5/6 (I can't keep up with your non-existent incomprehensible math/numbering/counting skills) is on point. I've been preaching this to women for years. I've had women ask me how things are going with my girl, who is also their girl, and in the same breath proposition me. The first time it happened, I was flattered. Now, it's sad and makes me shake my head.
    My recent post Guest Post- I Am the Christopher Columbus of Kink

  3. sanen85 says:

    I'm beginning to suspect that she is doing the numbering on purpose. LOL

  4. sanen85 says:

    I also think that your list makes sense, except #1 is probably quite unhealthy for you. The only issues I have from my ex is the first sign of hard drug use or excessive smoking will drive me out the door faster than Kat Stacks opens her legs. Then again, I can't blame that on him alone, and I don't really think it's a problem. *shrugs*

  5. Nickerz says:

    I don't think it's baggage unless it weighs you down in new relationships. If it just helped you learn about the things you won't accept, then that's not baggage, that's discovery. The only way some people know where the line is, is to cross it. You had a lesson in finding out where your line is.
    ThatIsAll
    My recent post Facebook Me and You behind the bleachers 3 oclock

  6. RemTheMulatto says:

    4. You don't follow regular numbering conventions

    I bet u dated The Count for a little while. I'd be off numbers too..

  7. @MsEsquire77 says:

    I think these are great lessons but you need to be mindful of #1. It's one thing to be optimistic and put in a good faith effort but when a relationship is dead you have to be able to let it go.

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