Only a few days left to nominate me and my blogging buddies for the Black Weblog Awards…have you done it yet?
Last night I was gossiping talking to a girlfriend about a mutual friend of ours and his new-ish boo-piece. The dude is pretty dope. Very smart, highly educated and very well-read. Cultured and well-traveled but not obnoxious about it. He reads books and plays sports. Has good taste in music and movies. Attractive and well-hung built. And he’s funny. He is, for lack of a better word, a great guy.
Now booski on the other hand is just…meh. She’s a pretty girl, but in an entirely unspectacular way. Okay body dressed in the most generic offerings ever put forth by the regular girl trifecta of Old Navy/The Gap/Banana Republic. She’s smart enough to follow the conversation when we all hang but seemingly without the ability to contribute to it. She’s not funny but she’s able to understand a joke and laugh unassumingly at it. Neither particularly friendly nor particular stand-offish. The kind of girl that you don’t mind having around but who you don’t miss when she’s absent. She’s not a reader or a sports fan and her taste in television shows is more The City than Lost, more The Hills than True Blood. Musically she’s strictly Top 40. In short, she’s just….regular.
Before hooking up with this girl, our buddy had been single for a long time. And being the kind of friends who like to discuss things repeatedly and ad nauseam, I had heard many times his spiel about how he was looking for exactly the right woman. While this guy is not arrogant in any sense of the word, he’s well aware that he’s a bit of a catch and was holding out for a woman who was a match for him. So the day he announced that he was bringing “someone for us to meet” to one of our hang out sessions, imagine our surprise when he showed up with a girl who was just…regular.
This is a phenomenon I’ve witnessed too many times. I’m fortunate to have a lot of dynamic men in my life; some exes, some cousins, some friends. And it seems that 99% of the time that these dudes wife up, the girl is just…milquetoast. Meanwhile my most interesting, most dynamic, funniest and coolest female friends remain perpetually single with ladyflowers drying up under the hot sun of celibacy.
What is up with that?
Being the loud mouths type of people we are, as soon as the opportunity arose my girl and I began to hammer our buddy with questions about her; progressing quickly through the polite “where did you meet/how did you get together” stuff and getting straight to the point – why her? His answer basically boiled down to that she was easy. Not easy in the sense of being a mattress, but easy in the sense of being drama free. Accommodating. Undemanding.
Well colour me high-maintenance, but I would shoot myself in the head if “easy” was my boyfriend’s reason for being with me.
I’m aware now that pretty girls have a bad rep for being too much work…but is this also true about interesting girls? Smart girls? Funny girls? Stylish girls? Is a woman who is accommodating and easy but lacks a discernible personality really so preferable to one who might give you an occasional headache but who can excite you with her intellect or cajole you out of a bad mood with her humour? Should we as women stop focusing on being interesting and start working on being obsequious?
My informal twitter poll last night didn’t yield any conclusive answers (sidebar: do you guys love how I always say “informal twitter poll” as if it’s possible to have a “formal” poll on twitter??). There was a fair amount of people who mistook my definition of “regular” to mean pretty; therefore there were a fair amount of knee-jerk responses suggesting that the man has matured enough to value compatibility over looks. But don’t get it twisted – pretty girls can be regular too. Being regular isn’t about looks; to me it comes down to this: if someone asked me what you’re like and I can’t come up with five adjectives to describe your personality, you’re regular. Because you have no distinguishing characteristics.
But anyway…what do you guys think? Is this dynamic guy-regular chick phenomenon one you’ve noticed before? Or is this just saltiness on the part of an interesting chick who can’t find someone to take her to the outdoor movies at Harbourfront one of those things that can’t be understood when you’re looking at a relationship from the outside? Is there an inverse of this – dynamic women wifing regular dudes? And my gentleman – have you ever wifed a regular girl? Illuminate me in the comments.
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