Who Told You to Have Feelings (Throwback Tuesdays)

Only a few days left to nominate me and my blogging buddies for the Black Weblog Awards…have you done it yet?

Observe this conversation between fcuk buddies:

Girl: So can I come over tonight?
Boy: Nah, sorry I’m booked.
Girl: You’re booked? What does that mean?
Boy: I mean I already have plans. Sorry.
Girl: Oh with another girl? Oh so it’s like that then? Okay fine. Have fun. Talk to you later.

Boy: (confused) okay, um, bye.

Two days later…

Girl: You know you really hurt my feelings the other day…
Boy: (no memory of the above conversation) I did, how?
Girl: When I said I wanted to come over and you said you were booked.

Boy: *stupefied silence*

Ladies, I’m going after you today. You’re wrong in three ways on this one:

1. Use of the phrase “another girl”

This implies that you thought you thought that you were the only girl. And the very fact that you are on fcuk buddy status with this dude should tell you that that is not the case. In fact, more times than not, you are the “other” girl.

2. Being Passive Aggressive

Saying “Okay fine. Have fun then” in a pissy tone of voice is a classic girl move that does not work. When men are in situations like this, they hear words, not inflections and not the feelings behind them. So if you’re saying ‘”have fun” he’s hearing “have fun” and moving on with his life. And you know you’re pissed and you don’t want him to have fun so why not try saying what’s on your mind? I told you before, men are not mind readers. If you’re disappointed that you can’t get together then say something and maybe you guys can work something out.

3. Using the “F” word

“You hurt my feelings’”? Girl, you are out of bounds here. Who told you feelings were allowed in a fuck buddy relationship? A fuck buddy relationship by definition is a casual, non-exclusive, no-strings attached type of deal. If you’re getting your feelings hurt because dude has plans with another girl, you’re obviously not built for this type of thing and you need to keep it moving.

In my opinion, 99% of girls in the world are not built for casual sex. Not because they catch feelings (although you’re wrong for doing it) but because they seem to think that the dude should care about said feelings. Ladies, if he wanted to care about your feelings you’d be wifey, not jump-off. So please either keep them to yourself or recognize your limitations and stick to feelings-friendly zones like relationships.

That’s my rant for today, but what say you dear readers? Are feelings okay in a fcuk-buddy relationship or should they be checked at the door with inhibitions? Have you ever been the girl or boy in this scenario? Discuss.

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 14

  1. Dr. J says:

    A few people will benefit greatly from the message here today. Unfortunate, only a few. This is an epidemic. If you can't play the game, don't play the game. You can't get in the game and then ask for new rules.

    #freeLOHAN
    My recent post Why Am I Suddenly So Hot

  2. Mahrzipan says:

    It's like you're writing my men experience. Now write how I'm supposed to get over it…. and go!

  3. Sam Sharpe says:

    Oh Maxie,

    You've made my day already. And it's not even 9am. All your points are bang on the mark…In my estimation part of the problem is too many women look at the Fuck Buddy/Side Piece relationship as a gateway to wifeyhood….FAIL….

    On a related note, I once had a girl mention to me that she didn't appreciate being with me when my "side tings" called. After composing myself (I couldn't stop laughing), I asked her why she figured SHE wasn't the "side ting"….didn't go over well.
    My recent post Not Your Average Sex Shop

  4. RemTheMulatto says:

    If the rules are clear, no feelings allowed. Just like you said men aint mind readers, women aint either. They need a clear understanding that they are just a side dish. Also, being a "fuck buddy" doesn't necessarily imply that there are other girls unless you explicitly tell her that she's not the only one. Girls are messed up enough these days.. not to mention too many dudes don't pay any mind to what goes on in a girl's mind so long as he gets to dig in that behind. Do 'em a service and keep 'em as informed as possible about what's going on and then you can put a "no feelings" sign on the bedroom door.

  5. @toflo says:

    I am going to have to agree with remthemulatto. If the rules are made clear at the VERY beginning, then more sex to you.

    There have been many situations where the man, wants to know what's going on for the weekend, wanna hang out in public and do girlfriend/boyfriend type shit and then get mad when they are put back into their place as Mr. Gotodick.

    Make a decision and stick with it. If all parties agree then no harm, no foul. But you can't be recanting your decision when shit hits the fan and start acting like a jealous fool. Those who engage in those types of relations should be honest and upfront with their intentions. Often too many people want to be the big player and start with the lies and games all for another notch on their belt. Fuck that! You agreed and your word should always be your bond.

  6. maxfab says:

    "You can't get in the game and then ask for new rules."

    Dr. J's daily words of wisdom.

  7. maxfab says:

    Hmm…that's not a bad idea!

  8. maxfab says:

    Oh Sam Sharpe…although I should be used to your bluntness by now, I couldn't help but wince at that. Poor little girl.

  9. maxfab says:

    I don't know…I'm a little confused as to why anyone needs to be explicitly told to check their feelings at the door when they enter a no-strings situation…I feel like that should be a given.

    Then again, I have no soul so….

  10. maxfab says:

    Ah Flo you reminded me that I've been meaning to write the flip side of this for men….because in my experience they're not much better at navigating the no-feelings zone than the ladies.

  11. SmartCat says:

    Sigh. Despite my moniker, I was recently not so smart in a f*ckbuddy arrangement: I allowed myself to think that I was "different". . .

    How This Happened:
    1. Frequency: longterm f*ckbuddy
    2. Words: whispered sweetness, during, after, and the messages that he misses your sweetness. Some people (me) believe all that.
    3. Falling asleep, all tangled up
    4-9. Great stroking.
    10. Those unguarded moments afterwards.

    Warning Sign: Wanting to make him breakfast.. . .

  12. maxfab says:

    #3 will get you every time.

    If you remember nothing else I ever say around here, remember this: no sleepovers!

  13. SmartCat says:

    (Laughs) it wasn't a sleepover. No Mister sleeps over unless they want to help with laundry.

    I was just admittedly dickmatized. :) (Love that word from Skye Blue)

    Great post, again.

  14. maxfab says:

    Whew. Okay. I like you SmartCat . I feel like you're my most promising student. The thought that you were breaking the sleepover rule hurt me, I'm not gonna lie.

    Everybody gets one dickmatized pass in their life….after that it's a habit.

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