Ready for Love – A Guest Post

14
Jul
2010

If you’ve been reading this blog with any kind of regularity you probably know by now that love is not on my agenda. Although I have a great appreciation for love in other people’s lives, I’m of the firm belief that a good book, a stiff cock, and a fresh bagel are pretty much all [...]


If you’ve been reading this blog with any kind of regularity you probably know by now that love is not on my agenda. Although I have a great appreciation for love in other people’s lives, I’m of the firm belief that a good book, a stiff cock, and a fresh bagel are pretty much all I need to keep me happy. But every now and then it’s nice for me to post something over here at jaded woman central that appeals to those of you who still have souls actually are in love or plan to be one day. Thankfully my girl MsEsquire77 has brought the goods today with an open letter to her future husband.  Check her out and be sure to show her love in the comments so she’ll come back and visit us again.

I’m not ashamed to admit that I want to be a wife. While I’d like to have a lovely wedding it’s not really all that important to me. What I really want is a commitment that mirrors what my grandparents have had for the past 59 years. While I’m sure they’ve had their share of tragedies and triumphs they are still together and their love each other is evident to anyone who knows them. I’m 32 (33 on October 5th…feel free to send me gifts.) and I’ll confess that in the past few years I’ve grown a little weary with waiting on my husband. I sometimes find myself asking God, “When will it be my turn?” I’m ready for love.

I have an anthology about love called “It’s All Love: Black Writers on Soul Mates, Family and Friends”. One of my favorite pieces is “One Hundred Days of Bliss” by Sonsyrea Tate Montgomery. In a nutshell it’s an e-mail from her to God thanking Him for her husband, Mike. It has inspired me to write a letter to my future husband. Here goes:

To my beloved,

What took you so long?! I’m just kidding :) I know that God had a plan for us and that we were predestined to meet and fall in love based on His timeline but I’ll admit that I was getting a little nervous.

I’d known love in my past and mistakenly thought I’d met you at least once before but God knew better. I am thankful for those past relationships because they taught me invaluable lessons about patience, kindness, fidelity and communication. Those other men were just tools that the Master used to mold me and shape me into the woman He wanted me to become for you.

When we first met I was guarded because I’d been hurt in the past but you were patient with me and didn’t let my fear run you away. We both came into this relationship with some baggage but have managed to love each other flaws and all. You’ve loved me with a passion that is honest and true and I thank you for allowing me the freedom to be my best me.

Our marriage isn’t always perfect but our love is and it allows us to press through the hard times. We cherish our vows and have managed to stay together through sickness & in health, through richer & through poorer. Through it all you’ve been my lover, my friend and the head of our household. I’m thankful for you and all that you do.

You are the answer to countless prayers and I’m blessed to have you.

Thank you for loving me and accepting my love in return.

Yours until the end of time,
Shondriette

That was beautiful, wasn’t it? I have no doubts that my little Shonnerz will find what she’s looking for because she has the courage to put it out into the universe.

But what about you guys? Are you actively seeking your husband or wife? Think you’re ready for it? Have you ever written a letter like this? Already found your love? Think love is for other people? Share your stories.

Now I may not be ready for love but I am ready for a Black Weblog Nomination. Have you nominated me yet? If I’m not going to have a husband I need something to cuddle up with at night! Get the easy instructions right here.

 



27 Comments

  • MostInterestingMan says:

    Here's to you Shondriette. And here's to you Max. Both of you should enjoy your time being single because it won't last long.

    To answer the questions… I think for both my wife and I, love didn't find us, nor did we wait for it. Love for us was the product of life experience and a great relationship. Too often we think of love in the magical, movie sense. We think of it as something that just happens. In reality – love is something that is built; it is as much a verb as it is a noun. So, for my wife and I, our love grew out of us both making conscious decisions – (albiet, for very different reasons) – that we were not going to settle for any relationship less than one that could be life-long.

    Great post ladies.

  • Dr. J says:

    I don't think you should ever go looking for marriage, but when you stop being scared of it, then you will probably find it.

    I wrote a post about how I wasn't scared of getting married anymore; http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com/2009/04/i-ai

    I'm not answering those questions, lol, do you know what happens if Dr. J admits he's looking for a wife? Naw son… That security detail was expensive, i'm appreciating club hopping without the crowds.
    My recent post Oh you FANCY huh!

  • Nickerz says:

    That was sweet Shon..
    It covers everything that we wish for.. I feel you with the "getting tired waiting on God" bit.. I trust that since He's moving like I got all the time in the world, that i really MUST have all the time in the world!
    Great letter.. I don't know any man that wouldn't love that (and you!)

    My recent post Arent your fingers tired!

  • maxfab says:

    Right? The man who ends up with Shonnerz is a lucky duck…she writes a sweet letter like this AND her head game is – what did she call it? Stupendous?? Sounds like the woman of the year to me.

  • @MsEsquire77 says:

    Thanks, Max! You are a gem and when you're ready to settle down the single men of the world will mourn. There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth!

    P.S: I used spectacular but stupendous works too :)

  • @MsEsquire77 says:

    Aww, Nick! *blushes*

    We've had a couple conversations about this subject so I knew you'd understand. I've decided that instead of praying for "him" I need to do a better job of praying for patience…it's a virtue of which I'm in short supply.

  • @MsEsquire77 says:

    "In reality – love is something that is built; it is as much a verb as it is a noun." <—This is absolute truth!! I may have to quote you :)

    You and your wife have a special and blessed relationship and I'm glad that out of all the billions of people in this world you found your way to each other. I know that your love will grow sweeter as the years go by.

  • sanen85 says:

    Look at you coming in here and self-promoting. LOL

  • sanen85 says:

    Awww Shonnerz! This was bootiful. I didn't know you were guesting today.

    Y'all know I've been down that road once, and I have no regrets. However, that means I'm in no rush to get married again. I would love to find that person that makes me feel ready again though. I'm only 25, and I'm not ready to get married again quite yet. However, I'm afraid that if I don't make it a priority to find someone now, I will find myself 35 and wondering where the time went. I've decided that if my horizons don't look better by 27, I'll start thinking about it more. :)

  • maxfab says:

    Hahaha Sane is 35 the point at which we should pack it in? Because in that case I only have a few months of good living left in me :(

  • Mon says:

    Shon,
    That was lovely. It makes me reflect on my own marriage. Its work but its worth it. The man who finds you will find a good thing indeed. And hey, don't count out my Isaiah. You know he's got his hopes set on you…

  • sanen85 says:

    Don't be silly. I just threw out an arbitrary number, although I do prefer to have any children that I may have by then. That's just my preference though, as people are popping tiny humans out in their 50s these days.

  • Nickerz says:

    i totally missed the other questions!!!
    i haven't found the love of my life.. i've found 1 nice mistake of my life.. and someone that could be, but he doesn't want that.. so i pack it up and move it forward..
    i know that there's things I need to work on, so I'll let God make me the best version of myself. Someone that is ready to be the wife that someone has always dreamt of. That's what i'll focus on.
    Since God gives us the desires of our heart, I believe that I will be married someday. Or else the desire wouldn't be so imbedded in me. Paul had no desire to be married, and he knew it. I have a desire to shower all my love on one person for the rest of my life. And that's just the way that goes.
    I'll wait…
    My recent post Arent your fingers tired!

  • @MsEsquire77 says:

    Monica , I love you and think you'd be an excellent mother-in-law but I'd prefer not to wait another 20 years :)

  • @MsEsquire77 says:

    I didn't know I was guesting today either! I gave Max my post and she surprised me. Anyway, I think you're awesome and I'm sorry that things didn't work out with your husband. However, I know that #2 is going to be a stunner!!

  • emti says:

    This was beautiful…

  • @MsEsquire77 says:

    Thank you! I'm struggling with my singleness but I'm trying to be more content every day.

  • Cheekie says:

    AWWWWWWW, Shon!!!!

    This was super beautiful. I just NOW told you on Twitter that you got me interested in doing this one day as a personal exercise and I mean it. I think it'll be fun to do…and very therapeutic. Writing it down, to me, is putting those good vibes/energy out into the universe. I want these things for you, girl. I am positive you will have them.
    My recent post Fashion Nonsense

  • SmartCat says:

    Great post.

    As someone who was in a monogomous relationship then subsequently married (7, then 5 years) , marriage, for me, when it was working, was phenomenal: two people working to help eachother become the best versions of themselves. But it is work: you need to show up and own up. It is not an exit / escape from singledom. It can provide strength and solace, but it should also be a place that fosters active personal growth.

    Your letter was truthful and unguarded. I have a similar list of qualities I'm looking for in a relationship. The list holds me accountable for the relationship choices I make: I can't say I'm ready for love when I'm engaged in a purely casual relationship. Its tough, but I think we have to hold ourselves to our own standards.

  • sdukez says:

    *sigh* Shon, I don't have the words to explain what that letter did… Nah, I'm lying. s/o to Max for the feature. Woot woot. ^_^ Dying that you're talking about her head game. .

    Now, that letter made my heart sway. It's sitting in its own cardiac swing, looking down at the ground sighing, wondering "When will my turn come?" As far as actively seeking, I thought I could have found one… but I'm glad I was wrong. So very glad I was wrong and that he hurt me. :/ I've written letters but I can't think about them. They're somewhere in a Nobody's dresser, where he'll stumble across it from time to time and think about what could have been. But I digress. I used to be a sucker for love. I loved the entire concept and idea of it but I know better now. I want it. Will I be ready for it again? Probably not but who isn't ready to try? Oh. Your letter touched my soul. Mirrored how I feel.. As a pup or not.

    Great post. I'm heavily sighing now.

    We should all write letters to our future men. Sounds like a plan to me =)
    My recent post Friends- Foes &amp the In-Betweeners

  • @MsEsquire77 says:

    "Its tough, but I think we have to hold ourselves to our own standards." I need this tattooed on my arm! Sometimes loneliness has led to some bad choices on my part but I refuse to make the same mistakes again. My words and my actions need to match up or it's just self-sabotage.

    Thanks for your comment.

  • @MsEsquire77 says:

    Thanks, Suki! You may be a pup but you're wise beyond your years :)

    By the way, LMAO @ "cardiac swing"!!

  • keishabrown says:

    *weeps after reading this for the second time today. looks for kleenex.

    this whole post was amazing. and something i would love to do, but fear stops me.
    why fear? because it would force me to submit to the fact that i am truly not in control of having the thing i crave the most right now (besides ice cream and winning the lotto).

    i did a vision board, and what was great was seeing how it came together. but it's still something i hide because in my heart, im truly not ready to take the steps towards getting the life that i want.

    in the end, i try to keep my ears, eyes and heart open. i hold summits and fireside chats with God in hopes that on his long list of priorities, that he'll hear me.

    i wish it wasn't something i want so much. but alas…
    My recent post quiethaylestorm- RT @jozenc- Few things in this world are as old as Samuel L Jacksons black Kangol Did he buy it in backwards-only or is that his choice

  • sdukez says:

    Oooh you better stop. I'm purpling. [black people blush]
    My recent post Friends- Foes &amp the In-Betweeners

  • @MsEsquire77 says:

    Writing that letter was hard for me but I just heard a sermon about vision and the key verse was:

    "And the LORD answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it." Habakkuk 2:2

    Fear and faith can't live in the same place so pick up a pen and get to writing!

  • Gem of the Ocean says:

    as i told my shonny shon a few minutes ago on twitter, i write in my prayer journal all the time praying for my husband–whoever he is, wherever he is. a friend of mine also writes letters to her future husband. the more i do it the more faith i have that God will indeed send me a good man who is ready for love, and will be the man i need AND want.

    thanks shonny shon for such a beautiful letter and allowing us to hear your innermost intimate words to the man who WILL find his way into your loving and caring arms. im praying for you and your future husband as well :)


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