Does Crazy Get the Guy? – Throwback Tuesday

12
Jul
2010
You own one of these don't you

Not long after I wrote my post on being the 'just before girl' I ran into a friend of mine - let's call him Yoda - at the wedding of my ex-unboyfriend/best friend/roommate (another blog post for another time). We got to talking about relationships and my sister suggested that he fix me up with one of his single friends. He said "Nah she's not ready for it. She's the girl that guys get with before they get with the girl they marry".


Marshie-poo and I gasped simultaneously.

“Did you read my blog?” I asked breathlessly.
*blank stare*
Okay then.
“Why is that?” Les poos (marshie-poo and maxie-poo) asked.
Yoda went on to explain that I was too cool, too easy going, too laissez-faire for any man to take me seriously. “You need to learn to make some demands” was his final word on the subject.

Les poos proceeded to the wedding reception, at which I was too busy trying to stab myself with a butter knife listening to speeches and watching the lovebirds coo lovingly at each other to really think about it. But since then I’ve been taking an informal poll and it seems that Yoda is right. Which i guess shouldn’t be surprising because Yoda was always right in the movies wasn’t he? I don’t know.

Anyway. let me share with you some responses:

My cousin’s wife gave me a long, long lecture about the art of making demands. And how a man doesn’t respect you if you don’t set clear boundaries and guidelines for his behaviour.

The ex-unboyfriend/best friend/roommate (who thankfully married a cool girl who “allows” him to continue to plunge my toilet and take out my garbage be my friend) said that when we were in our unrelationship he interpreted my coolness to equal disinterest. i.e. the fact that I let him do who whatever he wanted to do gave him the impression that I didn’t care what he did.

My girlfriend also insists on not only setting clear boundaries, but that I make the men I date take me to expensive restaurants and buy me gifts in order to impress upon them that I am something special. And that when these men “misbehave” I call them on their shit.

None of this computes to me at all.

Here’s my take on it: I don’t have any children. I’m not about raising anyone so why do I have to set rules and discipline people? I grew up with a very demanding mum who yelled when she didn’t get her way. Everyone in the house just did what she wanted so we wouldn’t have to hear her mouth. This is a kind of death to me. I don’t want men to do things for me just because they’re afraid of what I’ll do if they don’t, I want them to do things for me because they want to. My relationship style is to give people the freedom to be who they are and see what they do with it. And no, I don’t call men on every little thing they do wrong – but I do notice and file it away for future reference. When I reach my breaking point (yes, I do have one) I’ll let him know.

This, apparently, is not the correct way to approach relationships. Go figure.

Meanwhile, as those of you who know me know, I have a healthy concentration of male friends. And as a result I get a lot of inside information on how girls really behave (not the remixed versions of stories we tell our friends in which we make ourselves sound much harder than we actually are). I see the pathetic and desperate emails they send, the begging BBM’s and texts, and hear the crazy-ass voicemails they leave. These women rant, rave, cry, threaten, beg, and bargain to get these dudes’ attention. Now and again they’ll show up unannounced or freak out because they found a bobby pin that doesn’t belong to them at the home of a man they know is seeing other people.

And you know what? These guys eat that shit up. Nary a one of them has ever stopped talking to a girl because of her crazy-ass behaviour. Meanwhile my private parts – and the private parts of all my female friends who are normal like me – are drying up at an alarming rate.

All of which leads me to conclude that us calm girls are doing something wrong. Should we be going all Jazmine Sullivan on these dudes? Is that what it takes? Please enlighten me.



14 Comments

  • HLBB says:

    this is a page from the story of my life…

  • superblackgirl says:

    men love themselves some crazy. makes them feel good. i think if you're going to be independent in all these other ways – own place, own car, good job – you have to show your dependency on them in other ways, like countless phone calls and public flogging.

  • max.fabulous says:

    sbg – you're right as usual. i never thought of the two being connected but of course they are.

  • Sam Sharpe says:

    First thing first, you should only be going all Jazmine Sullivan on a man if you're looking for a man to go all Aaron Hall on you (I know, real old school reference, for you young heads think Chris Brown)……

    But seriously, does crazy ass behaviour get the man?

    Not me. Nor any one in my crew. Crazy might get the d*** but crazy ain't coming home to meet my momma. Sure as hell ain't taking crazy to any fancy/expensive restaurants…Strictly Burger King.

    I think your cousins wife might be onto something. From my own experience, I need a woman who knows clearly what she wants and expects and expresses those things clearly. As a result I'll know exactly what I need to do to keep her in my bed…I mean in my life. If she doesn't, believe me I'm going to do what the hell I want….

    Is that controlling, too much like parenting? I dunno, but I do know that it's no different than my own approach. From word go I let women know what I'm about and what I'm not about. From there it's up to them if they want to stick around and enjoy the show
    My recent post Camel Clutch Me- Baby

  • melissa says:

    i'm a pretty laidback girl as well, but i do think there's value is stating your place and letting the guy know what you will put up with and won't. i'm all for letting people be who they are but that doesn't mean they can do it at your detriment. and there's value in calling him on stuff that rubs you the wrong way. i think the point is to let them know before you reach your breaking point because by then, you've probably put up with too much. this doesn't mean you're a nag or someone's parent…it just means that you have value in yourself to be like, that's not cool with me and i don't need to deal with it.

    i also think that if you just let someone do whatever without speaking up, they will take advantage of that freedom and end up taking you for granted. i'm not a fan of crazy chicks, but i do think that the reason why they still have guys around is because they do pose some kind of a challenge. make it too easy for anyone and they'll quickly become disinterested.

  • QueenT says:

    Hey Max!
    I am with you. I am not going postal to get a man to act right…maybe, that is not the right way..but, I just don't have the energy to exert out like that. I used to get into all of that behavior..but, I find that a man is going to do what he wants to do regardless of how many acts of crazy a woman commits…that is my take on this. If I'm wrong..school me fellas.

  • Jemsstar says:

    This post and the comments, just convinced me to tell a "friend" what I will not accept his recent behavior. I had been mulling over this for about a week, for fear that he may not want to continue dealing with me because i was too straight forward. The funny thing is that THAT is my personality, but for the men I deal with, I almost deal with them with kid gloves. But for now on the gloves are coming off LOL! I'm just starting to feel like some dudes don't have common sense and if you don't tell them directly they act like they don't know.

    Good one Max

  • keisha brown says:

    moral of the story is that what works for some, cannot by broadly assumed to work for all others.
    that kind of attitude would send just as many guys running as it would keep them
    to me if you have to try so hard on fixing who you are..then that dude is not for you.
    My recent post quiethaylestorm- Street meat- breakfast- kd- things that taste awesome tipsy-drunk-hungover Anything else

  • Streetz says:

    Any Jaz Sully references raise a red flag. Men love cool chicks. Some men love pushovers. Dont be one. Fin


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