Have you nominated me and my blogging buddies for the Black Weblog Awards yet? You can get all the details and sh*t over here.
Anybody who knows me knows that I am really not a planner. Outside of my wardrobe consultations with the bestie I never know what I’m doing from one moment to the next. In job interviews, the question “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?’ scares the crap out of me because I never know what to say.
Needless to say, I also don’t have a list of what I’m looking for in a man. This may have something to do with the fact that I’m not currently looking for one, but I also think that being too narrow in your search can stop you from seeing something out of the box that might be really good. Much to my delight, one of my favourite blogging boys agrees with me. (here too)
But a recent conversation with one of my girls – who had 42 must-haves on her list – and reading this and this, got me thinking I ought to give a list a try. But since a list of what I want in a man would be way too long, I thought I’d try a list of what I absolutely do.not.want.
So without further ado, here are my dealbreakers:
This includes poor phone/email/text/bbm etiquette. And rudeness to others. Don’t pull out my chair at the dinner table and then snap your fingers at the waitress to get her attention. It won’t fly.
2. Deadbeat Dads
If you refuse to see your children because you have beef with their mother, you fail. If you refuse to find a way to get along with your child’s mother so that you can see your kids, you fail. If you don’t support your kids to the best of your ability, you fail. If you blatantly favour one child over another, you fail. If you hide the fact that you have kids, you fail.
3. Selfishness/Lack of consideration
No one wants a doormat, but I’m not rotating around your sun either. If you don’t get that there are two of us here and both of our needs deserve consideration; I’m out.
4. Lack of Confidence
What can I say? It’s just not hot.
5. Can’t See Through my Slickness
I can be extremely slick when I want to and I need a man who will call me on it. If I can run rings around you I will and neither of us will like it.
5-b. Doesn’t Want to Wear the Pants
It may surprise you to know that at heart I am a throwback – cater to you is my theme song – and I expect the man to be the boss. I need a man that is traditional enough in his thinking to get down with this concept. You can’t be asking me all the time what I want to do, you’re supposed to tell me what I’m gonna do.
6. Racial Consciousness
He doesn’t have to be militant, but he has to have some kind of racial identity. I dated a man once who had had two serious relationships in his adult life; both with white women. He asked me if I had a problem with that and I didn’t – whatever floats your boat buddy – but then he went on to say that he felt that a person’s race had no relevance whatsoever, and that’s where he lost me. He has to think about race.
6-b. I also can’t get down with non-black guys.
7. He must get (or at least tolerate) maxlogic.
If he’s going to constantly try to make me see sense, he’s gonna get throat-punched.
So those are my dealbreakers. They’re not unreasonable, are they? What are yours?
And don’t forget the nominations for the Black Weblog Awards! Easy instructions are right here.
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