Throwback Tuesday – Dealbreakers

Have you nominated me and my blogging buddies for the Black Weblog Awards yet? You can get all the details and sh*t over here.

Anybody who knows me knows that I am really not a planner. Outside of my wardrobe consultations with the bestie I never know what I’m doing from one moment to the next. In job interviews, the question “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?’ scares the crap out of me because I never know what to say.

Needless to say, I also don’t have a list of what I’m looking for in a man. This may have something to do with the fact that I’m not currently looking for one, but I also think that being too narrow in your search can stop you from seeing something out of the box that might be really good. Much to my delight, one of my favourite blogging boys agrees with me. (here too)

But a recent conversation with one of my girls – who had 42 must-haves on her list – and reading this and this, got me thinking I ought to give a list a try. But since a list of what I want in a man would be way too long, I thought I’d try a list of what I absolutely do.not.want.

So without further ado, here are my dealbreakers:

1. Rudeness

This includes poor phone/email/text/bbm etiquette. And rudeness to others. Don’t pull out my chair at the dinner table and then snap your fingers at the waitress to get her attention. It won’t fly.

2. Deadbeat Dads

If you refuse to see your children because you have beef with their mother, you fail. If you refuse to find a way to get along with your child’s mother so that you can see your kids, you fail. If you don’t support your kids to the best of your ability, you fail. If you blatantly favour one child over another, you fail. If you hide the fact that you have kids, you fail.

3. Selfishness/Lack of consideration

No one wants a doormat, but I’m not rotating around your sun either. If you don’t get that there are two of us here and both of our needs deserve consideration; I’m out.

4. Lack of Confidence

What can I say? It’s just not hot.

5. Can’t See Through my Slickness

I can be extremely slick when I want to and I need a man who will call me on it. If I can run rings around you I will and neither of us will like it.

5-b. Doesn’t Want to Wear the Pants

It may surprise you to know that at heart I am a throwback – cater to you is my theme song – and I expect the man to be the boss. I need a man that is traditional enough in his thinking to get down with this concept. You can’t be asking me all the time what I want to do, you’re supposed to tell me what I’m gonna do.

6. Racial Consciousness

He doesn’t have to be militant, but he has to have some kind of racial identity. I dated a man once who had had two serious relationships in his adult life; both with white women. He asked me if I had a problem with that and I didn’t – whatever floats your boat buddy – but then he went on to say that he felt that a person’s race had no relevance whatsoever, and that’s where he lost me. He has to think about race.

6-b. I also can’t get down with non-black guys.


7. He must get (or at least tolerate) maxlogic.

If he’s going to constantly try to make me see sense, he’s gonna get throat-punched.

So those are my dealbreakers. They’re not unreasonable, are they? What are yours?

And don’t forget the nominations for the Black Weblog Awards! Easy instructions are right here.

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 8

  1. Gail says:


    are very very good dealbreakers and alot of women don't pay attention to #2 & wonder what happened 3 years later.

    Some of my dealbreakers;

    cheapness: Not saying we got a ball but spend a little $$ here on there..get creative. coupons and toonie tuesday just ain't saying ONE.

    2)Be respectful of others..

    3)hygenic…dirty nails i dont like

    plus more..

  2. Flo King says:

    Oh Max, I take great pride on commenting on your blog (now) that I know about it and then talk it out on Twitter.

    Anyway, I think you got some great deal breakers in there.

    I'd agree with all of them, but you should reconsider 6B. Though I've had my fair share of mixed relationships sometimes it's stepping out of that box you speak of and realize the goodness another culture has to offer, especially when it comes to the treatment of their significant others. When dealing with someone from another race, it always brings new things to the relationship that I would never ever have experienced on my own be it food, life or whatever. I mean, Halle did it and look at her now.

    Something you can add to the list, that can be blended in with 1 and that is I can't stand people who have poor grammar or spelling skills. I mean, yes now we live in a day where you have auto-correct, spell-check and the like – even more of an excuse to not have a shit load of spelling mistakes – but to me it's soooo important to be able to know how to spell and know the difference between their and there, then and than, your and you’re. How has it now become the norm not to know your reading, writing and arithmetic? Are these not the basic necessities of life? Geez. Yes I do consider the medium in which we correspond but I am not an Ivy League graduate in slang nor do I plan to be. Let's just all try to spell well together OK?

  3. max.fabulous says:

    @gail – i like yours. i forgot about hygiene which of course is so, so , important. i can't say i've ever dated a cheap man though…broke, yes. cheap? no

    @flo – i did consider the spelling/grammar thing but i downgraded it from dealbreaker to preference…yes i do get turned on by a man who not only knows his their/there/they're but also knows when to say 'whom' (i got whom in an email once, i almost came on the spot), but at the same time i know some really, really smart people who can't spell for shit. so i let it slide.
    re: interracial; interestingly enough i did make an exception at one point and found that my aversion goes beyond my rational mind; i found myself having a visceral reaction to certain things that i knew i wouldn't be able to overcome. my brain tells me that there is something of value in everyone and that it's wrong for me to unilaterally eliminate a healthy segment of the population from the potential dating pool; i also know that at my core i am just not comfortable with it. i would always be holding things back because of the ingrained feelings i have about race…and that's unfair.

    thank you both for taking the time to comment!

  4. emti says:

    #5b was one of my preferences and has not become a deal breaker…i'm finding that a lot of men want to let you wear the pants as it were…i don't know if it's because they think that we want that or they just don't want to be the man…i'm with you 'cater to you' is a theme song and how i want my relationship to be

  5. max.fabulous says:

    @emti – i really truly believe that men want to let women wear the pants because they are too damn lazy to do it themselves. and they want someone to blame if shit goes south.
    but then that might be because i am jaded and bitter.

  6. emti says:

    i meant to say has NOW become a deal breaker

  7. Ms. Rockstar says:

    I must say Im not very good at letting the man wear the pants…I need to be much better at it. Deakbreaker for me disrespect and mean parents!

  8. max.fabulous says:

    @ms. rockstar – i think it's okay to wear the pants if that's the way you (and your man) want your relationship to be. not all men are worthy of pants LOL.

    mean parents is a dealbreaker i haven't heard before…but it's a good one.

    thanks for commenting!

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