If you're a longtime or dedicated reader of mine you know that I am a throwback girl. I'm that handwash your dirty draws, Cater to You is my theme song, wake up at 3:00am to cook for you, Stepford Wife kinda chick who also knows how to get freaky in the bedroom. Remember a few years back when that excerpt from a 1950's Home Ec textbook about how to keep your husband happy was circling the internets? I'm the only woman you know who read that and said, "f*cking right!".
As you can imagine, part and parcel of this way of life is being a total girly-girl; which I am potty mouth notwithstanding. I like to dress nicely and wear makeup and I don’t like getting dirty. I don’t play sports and I don’t believe I was put on earth to plunge toilets or take out the garbage so I call my ex over when it needs to be done.
That being said, there are certain “man moves” that, when undertaken successfully by a woman, are hella sexy. So I advise all my female readers to master them posthaste to give you that extra leg up in the dating wars. These are your trump cards that you keep close to your vest…then when the time is right you whip them out and lay them on his ass and then quickly revert to your girly girl self, leaving him staring dumbfounded and with a gigantic hard-on.
Manly Moves that are a Good Look on a Girl
1. Play a good game of poker/dominoes/chess/All Fours etc.
There is a school of thought that women are not good at games that involve strategy because we lack a logical mind. Now many women disagree with that but they are wrong and will argue to the death with any man who gives voice to this theory. That is not the right way to prove your point ladies. The right way to show off your logical mind is to master a logical game like any of the above, innocently ask to join him the next time he’s playing with the boys, and then kick all their asses.
Bonus: This is a brilliant strategy because it will let you know definitively what kind of man you are dealing with. A panty meat will be emasculated by your victory and will lash out at you in a childish and hurtful way to punish you for embarassing him. A good dude will be impressed. And turned on.
Max can you do this? I never really learned how to play poker or chess but I’m pretty good at dominoes and I will hang your Jack in All-Fours. Or I will Euchre you, for my non-Trini readers.
2. Shoot pool without looking like an idiot.
This could have been included with #1, but I kept it separate because it has one key difference – the physical aspect. See a lot of girls suggest pool as a date activity because they know they suck and they know the man will feel compelled to coach them. And that said coaching involves the man pressing up close behind her to show her how to hold the cue properly. Therefore, if you’re going on a pool date, chances are the dude is expecting to be pressed up on your backside before the night is through. Imagine his surprise when he realizes that won’t be necessary. And we all know the element of surprise is key in keeping a man’s attention, right?
Bonus points: If you’re actually good enough at pool to beat him.
Max can you do this? Sadly, no. Although we had a pool table in my house when I was growing up and I know how to play, my lack of hand-eye coordination makes getting the balls in the hole a big challenge.
4. Fix your car
Now I’m not suggesting that you jack your sh*t up and change your own transmission because really, what man knows how to do that these days? But if you are a woman (such as myself) who can select and replenish all the necessary fluids in her car, you’re good. If you can replace your own wiper blades, you’re better. And if you can change your own oil, you’re golden.
Bonus points: Wear some Daisy Dukes while you’re doing this a la Dukes of Hazard and see if you don’t own your man for life after this.
Max can you do this? All my adult life I thought I was the dopest woman in the world because I know how to do an oil change, but then Ms. Nick_L_Odeon had to shame me by tweeting about changing her breaks and now I must concede my title to her. Bitch
5. Drive stick
I once asked a man what’s so sexy about a woman driving a stick. He said “I don’t know…I just look at her and I think drive that car girl!” Maybe not the best explanation ever, but every man I know is turned on by a woman who can drive standard and none has ever explained it better than that. I’m guessing it has something to do with watching you handle that shaft and imagining you handling his shaft…
Bonus points: None. But you really don’t need them here.
Max can you do this? Effing right I can!
Ladies, what do you think? Can you do any of this stuff? Have you found that it impresses men when you do? And my men – are you turned on by a woman who can do these things?