Guest Post – Getting In The Path of Destruction

In the comments of my post about busy dudes, my buddy Dr. J advised getting in the path of destruction when dealing with an overstimulated man. I wished for a guest post on the subject and like the fairy godblogger he is, he promptly delivered it. This is why I heart him and you should too.

With men being at a premium in the world today, most men aren’t making it easy for women to get at them. The men that most women want are busy, successful, and not trying to chase every skirt they can get their hands on. So how does a woman get a guy who seems too busy for romance?

Let me start by backing up for a moment and explaining something to the reader. A man who is busy spends his free time letting loose. A lot of people expect a man who is busy to spend his free time with his significant other. This negates the fact that he probably wants to have time to himself, hang out with friends, and get wasted when he’s not working. Women don’t seem to understand this. Short-sightedness.

Nonetheless a good man is hard to find, and more frustrating than trying to find a good man, is finding one you can’t have. Women always want to know where men are, I’d argue that they know exactly where men are they just can’t hook him. I’ve always thought of relationships like this, if you want some water, why not go to the well? If you want some milk, why not go to the cow? A lot of people are waiting for a Deer Park truck to show up at their doorstep and deliver them a man, but it would be so much easier if they’d just go get the man.

So women, start in the following places when looking for a man: the gym, local happy hour lounge, metro and Starbucks. Why? Because these are places that men hang out at. You may be worried about sweating your hair out, but just wash and set it once you get home and you’ll have a fresh hairdo and a man. A lot of women claim they don’t meet men in the club… but you’re single. Something’s not adding up. If you see a guy who catches your eye, why not find a way to get in his path of destruction? And if that place is a club, then I’d recommend you start frequenting that club a lot more than you currently do. If you notice that the guy you want goes to Cosi everyday for lunch at noon, why not be in Cosi everyday at noon?

I heard this story about a guy who found his wife by standing on a corner he had seen her walk past once for two months. He would plop himself down on the sidewalk every day at lunch for an hour and just wait for her to walk by. He didn’t know that she was only in that part of town to run an errand. But you know what? One day she had to run that errand again and he was able to meet her. They were married for over 50 years.

Some women are worried about seeming desperate or thirsty. One of the most frequent pieces of advice I ever give is that people should stop worrying what people think about their love life. At the end of the day, the opinions of people who you aren’t sleeping with will keep you single and alone. If you want to have a man in your life and you’ve identified who you’d like to find that vacancy, get in his path of destruction. You might seem desperate but it’s only short term because soon you will look and be satisfied and all those who judged you will be still single. They will be the same ones sitting around at a happy hour spot with all women talking about how men ain’t skit.

#kanyeshrug on this post. I’m just trying to keep it real and give the best advice I can give. In other news, it seems that you are in great health, Dr. J thinks you’ve been doing a great job lately. In short, “You’re beautiful. If no one else told you that today, let me be the one.”

So ladies, what do you think of Dr. J’s strategy? Do you hunt your prey in his natural habitat or wait for him to find you? Men do you rate this strategy?

And don’t forget the nominations for the Black Weblog Awards! Easy instructions are right here.

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 14

  1. melissa says:

    i'm not so much a hunter, but i'm on board with making yourself available for someone you're interested in. but there's a fine line between being available and being a desperate stalker. it's cool if you position yourself in the same lunch spot every day, but if you're just gonna go there to gawk or make eyes at him, hoping he'll say something, then your efforts are all for naught cuz you'll look like a stalker. and i don't necessarily agree that being desperate and being overly available will land you the guy. while i admire the gusto of any woman who will go hard like that after what/who they want, i believe you said it, max, in the art of the chase that there has to be a certain level of chase that a man wants/needs to have. but i do agree that in order to be noticed, you have to position yourself in place where you will be. 🙂

  2. Streetz says:


  3. Andrienne says:

    "One of the most frequent pieces of advice I ever give is that people should stop worrying what people think about their love life. At the end of the day, the opinions of people who you aren't sleeping with will keep you single and alone." #thisrighthereisthehgospel

    Truer words could never have been spoken. Who cares what people think about yor life? Are you living it or them? Because when the homies are booed up and you're sitting home alone on a Friday night, who's suffereing then? I think we as women play WAY too many games when it comes to men. we fail to realize that men aren't that complicated and if we were to put ourselves in their mindset our lives would be so much easier.

  4. maxfab says:

    I am guilty of putting myself in the path of destruction and then just gawking…I like a man to "discover" me in some place unexpected; so I like to go somewhere I'll know he'll be and wait for him to see me and make his move.

    I don't think we need to be desperate, but I do think we need to put in more effort. Especially when you're in a competitive market or your target is highly sought-after.

    I think they key is to be up in a man's face until he realizes how much he wants you and then sitting back and letting him come after you. As emti's mom would say: chase him until he chases you.

  5. maxfab says:

    See why we heart Dr. J around here?

  6. SmartCat says:

    Love Dr. J.'s post.
    Love Max for inviting the guest poster.
    "Chase the man until he chases you" – so true.

    (Of course, when Mr. Man finally flirts with me – after I effectively put myself in the path of destruction, something sexy and flirtatious forms in my mind, and something totally inane comes out of my mouth, like "banana.". Or I knock over a book. Just like that English goalie, I totally miss the ball when it's finally my "moment!")

  7. maxfab says:

    I get all sweaty and start stammering all over the place.

  8. emti says:

    mommy is a genius for that quote
    but it never works for me…i forget to stop chasing
    then i have to call maxfab and get told about my parts
    it's quite tragic lol

  9. RoB says:

    i personally get turned off by women that are TOO desperate or eager. My peers and I refer to these types of women as thirsty and this can give the women a negative connotation. Some men are cocky and think "oh she's doing that cause I'm me" but other men aren't as cocky and may think "damn, does she do this to EVERY dude?." My friends and I are far from your average black men which usually causes us to scrutinize women that run after us more closely. Some women want men for 'what' they are and this can cloud a mans vision when it comes to women.

    and to SmartCat: thats funny because someone recently told me to "chase her until she chases you." I recently moderately "chased" a women at my own pace and sure enough she began to "chase" me. But now she is overly eager and bumping into bothersome – made me lose a lot of the initial attraction.

  10. maxfab says:

    OMG you switcheroo'd her!
    That is an indictable offense around these parts.
    But since you're a first-time commenter, you get a pass….welcome!

  11. RoB says:

    It wasn't a switch-a-roo. It was just me putting in more effort and her reciprocating poorly.

    See Max, the key is to be in a woman's face until she realizes how much she wants you, then sit back and let her come after you lol.

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