It's that time of year again. Nominations for the Black Weblog Awards have started and I would really like one. So show how much you love me (and I know you do) by nominating me. You can get all the details and sh*t over here.
Lately I’ve had the strangest feeling been getting a lot of offline questions from readers about threesomes. I don’t know if it’s the warm weather or what, but it seems that suddenly a whole lot of dudes have started asking/pressurizing their girls into bringing a third into the bedroom. When I get these questions I always say “Watch the movie Trois. That’s the worst thing that could happen. If you’re still interested, get back to me.”
Well I don’t really say that. But I want to.
Anyway I realized that it’s not something we’ve talked much about over here and it’s about time I threw it out there. Here’s my take on three ways you can have some three-way secksy time and whether you should be attempting it.
1. The classic threesome
I’ve done this. This is pretty much what everyone has in mind when they’re thinking about three-way sex. And whether this is two men and a woman or two woman and a man, it’s not a move for the faint of heart. Bringing a third body into the bedroom is more than likely going to bring out everyone’s insecurities. But if you insist on poking at the dragon, here are my tips:
Ladies: Campaign strenuously for the mmf type of three-way. That’s two dudes and you…and what could be better than that? Good luck getting your man to agree with it though. But I caution you – if you are in any way insecure; about your body, your relationship, your RRSP balance, your man’s sexuality, skip this please.
Men: Watch how hard you work for this because if you push it too much, your girl is going to get suspicious. Wanting a little variety is one thing, trying to find a legal way to f*ck another girl is something else. Also my dear men, most women do not want to have threesomes with their sisters or best friends and bringing it up makes you look like a pig. So please stop that. Third – if you are lucky enough to get the authorization to bring in another girl, make sure she’s not hotter than wifey. Trust me on this one.
2. Two f*cking, one watching
I’ve done this. This is what I call three-way 101 and it’s what I recommend to the ladies who ask me if they should go for a threesome. If you can handle watching your partner f*ck someone else or being watched while you get it on without hating your life afterward you’re probably ready to proceed to the big time. If you find yourself wishing that your spectator was an active participant, you’re probably going to really enjoy your threesome.
3. Three-way phone sex
I’ve done this. The logistics of this kinda make my head spin but I threw it in here because I know it happens. This is probably a good one if you’re a frequent traveller, frequent participant of phone sex, or you have many partners because it’s multi-tasking in the extreme.
What’s your stance on threesomes, my friends? Three’s a crowd or thrice as nice? Give me your thoughts in the comments.
And don’t forget the nominations for the Black Weblog Awards! Easy instructions are right here.