I’m often accused of male-bashing in my writing, so I figured it’s high time I gave the ladies a turn. Because as dumb as men are sometimes, trust me ladies you do take the cake. So without further ado, here are my Top 10 Dumb Things Women do (That Ruin it For the Rest of Us)
1. “I had a dream about you” and other made up stories
Oh, ladies. Nobody’s falling for this. Even if you did dream about the guy, calling/texting/emailing him with that as your opening line just screams ‘I’m dying to talk to you but couldn’t come up with a reason to call’; which just screams ‘I’m insecure’, which is so not hot. You notice that men don’t do this, right? If they want to talk to you, they just hit you up and say ‘hey’. They don’t lose sleep coming up with a reason and neither should you.
2. Clinging to the notion that ‘actions speak louder than words’.
While in almost all cases this is a true statement, there is one glaring exception – when a man tells you he doesn’t want a relationship. Telling a woman that at the beginning is a man’s way of giving himself a permanent cheating pass. So it doesn’t matter that after he said that he started sleeping at your house every night, driving your car, took you to meet his mother, gave you his banking information, or moved into your house; if he told you at the beginning he didn’t want a relationship, don’t assume he has changed his mind. All he is doing is taking advantage of your stupidity good nature and accepting the goods you shouldn’t be offering him. The only time you should ever believe that a man has changed his mind about not wanting a relationship is when he says “I’ve changed my mind. I do want a relationship”.
3. Snooping the wrong way.
Yeah, yeah, yeah snooping is always wrong, but sometimes a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. Most girls (myself included) have snooped or will snoop at one point in their lives. But what dumb girls do is then call their man on what they find and expect him to be all contrite and apologetic. Doesn’t work that way, darling. Once you admit that you went through his stuff, you are now in the wrong and please believe me any smart man will cling to that fact and turn things around until you’re the one apologizing. If you’re gonna snoop, either keep what you find out to yourself or find a way to trick him into confessing it.
4. Not starting as you mean to go on
Everyone knows that there is a honeymoon phase to new relationships in which everyone is on their best behaviour; but there is a difference between letting your guard down and doing a Dr. Jekyll-Mr. Hyde. If you try to go from being the cool laid-back girl that did her own thing and let her man do his to the clingy psycho bitch from hell; don’t be surprised when your man goes from Mr. Attentive to Mr. Absent just that quick.
5. Saying you’re cool when you’re not
Similar to #4, ladies, you need to learn to be honest about your stuff. If you meet a man and he tells you he has a lot of female friends, you can’t say you’re cool with that and then start freaking out and getting jealous every time you see him with a woman. If you say you don’t mind a man with children, please do not throw a temper tantrum if he can’t see you on the weekend because he’s spending time with his child. If he says he wants to keep seeing you but also see other people, don’t say it’s cool and then freak out because he’s seeing other people. This is so obvious to me that I can’t even believe someone needs to point it out, but it’s clear that someone does.
6. Blaming the other woman
I cannot be the first one to speak on this topic but it needs to be repeated until you get it. If your man cheats on you, please do not a) call up the girl and curse her b) call her outta her name on Facebook c) try to fight her d) call her names or otherwise blame her. Especially if you are still with this cheating man. I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but that girl doesn’t know you and doesn’t owe you any debt of loyalty so please visit your frustrations on the source – your man.
The exception to this is of course if he cheated with your friend/relative. In which case you have my permission to cut a b*tch.
7. Sending your coochie through the mail
Girls do you know what happens when you send a man a naked picture of yourself or make a sex tape with him? HE SHOWS IT TO HIS FRIENDS – including his female friends. So unless you’re okay with your man’s entire social circle seeing your downthere, please don’t. And that oh-so-hot video that you made with him when things were good? Check for it on youporn.com after things go south.
8. Unilateral refusals to do things
I’m the first one to encourage women to stick to their principles; but there is such a thing as taking it too far. Contrary to what you obviously believe, you are not the centre of the universe and your needs are not the only thing that matters. Relationships are about compromise, and if you’re not willing to do that you’re better off alone. Because refusing to give a man head because it’s nasty, or watch a game with him because it’s dumb, or eat pizza for dinner because it’s greasy is a sure-fire way to make sure he’ll find some other girl to do that stuff with. Hope those principles keep you warm at night.
9. Talking ish about his friends.
Unless your man’s friend does something violent or disrespectful to you or your man, please keep your opinions to yourself on this. Consider his boys like you should consider his family – a no sh*t-talking zone. No man is going to choose you over his boys and all you’re doing is making enemies of people whose opinions mean more to your man that yours does. Does that seem smart to you?
10. Waiting for the big disrespect
Ladies, you know how this goes; you first start talking to someone and he does something that seems a little sketchy to you. But it’s early and it’s not such a huge thing so you let it go. Then a few weeks later he does something a little worse, but you still don’t say anything; or what you say is so meek and ineffectual it accomplishes nothing. A few months later he does something too big to ignore and you’re surprised and all “I just can’t believe he would do this to me!”
Oh you can’t? Then you’re stupid. Because all those little things that you let slide at the beginning were tests that you failed. Now he knows you’re too dumb nice to call him on his crappy behaviour so he’s just gonna keep doing it – but now you’ve invested too much time/energy to just drop him flat out so you try to reform him. This is dumb and it doesn’t work. So stop it.
11. Life is not a movie – we all loved the scene in Pretty Woman when Richard Gere climbed up Julia Roberts’s balcony. Sooo romantic, right? Get over it ladies – it’s not gonna happen in real life and if you think your man doesn’t love you because he doesn’t do exactly that, you’re probably too stupid to have him in the first place.
12. Taking the advice of your single friends – your friends do not always have your back. You need to get that. For every genuine, supportive girlfriend you have, you probably have at least 3 that are jealous of you and want to see you miserable. Not sure who is who? Then think long and hard before you listen to the friend that tells you ‘dump him girl’ every time he does something wrong.
So what do you guys think? Is there ever a good reason to do this stuff?
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