The Ladylike Chronicles – Week III

It’s time for an update on The Ladylike Chronicles. First off, I have to apologize for not giving you one til now. Fire (our target) was missing in action and I am lazy so I had nothing to report.  He has been located and the mission continues. 
Sidebar: If you don’t know what I’m talking back, go read the first installment of the series and come back. It’s short.

So a lot of you are not on board with my plan but that only just fueled the Fire (ha ha ha). Going into my mission I was determined to prove that I will get better results if I start with “Max Lite”. So while full-strength Max might have been tempted to reach out to Fire during his absence, Ladylike Max has been demurely going on with her life until he reappears. Which he did about two weeks ago when I returned from my lunch break to a message from him on my work voicemail asking if I could give him a call so he could ask me something. So I waited the requisite 2 hours and then called him.

If you know me in real life you know that I am a total spaz about calling people. For one thing, I hate the phone and for another I get highly nervous and awkward whenever I have to call a man and this time was no exception. My hands were shaking as I dialed, my voice quivered a little as I greeted him, but I pressed on. 

The conversation got off to a good start; he asked my opinion about something, I gave it. He was interested in what I had to say and asked lots of questions. He seemed satisfied with my answer (which comes as no surprise since both full-strength Max and Max Lite are highly funny and highly brilliant). Then we started shooting the shit. We talked about food and weather, men and women, sex and dating. It was a good conversation except for one tiny snafu: I forgot all about the Ladylike Chronicles and let full-strength Max out. Oops! 
Here’s where I went wrong:

1. I called him Dude at least 3 times
2. Said “fuck” at least once
3. I somehow turned the conversation to the subject of anal sex and we proceeded to have a long and in-depth discussion about it.
4. I told him about the blog

All of this is exactly the opposite of the terms of this experiment, but all the same the conversation went really, really well. It was long, it was funny, and I relaxed and stopped sweating pretty early on (that’s always a good sign). At the end he suggested we get together for dinner soon and promised to call.

Don’t all you nay-sayers feel gratified now? I can just see you at your desks reading this with satisfied grins on your pusses thinking See? I told you you didn’t have to be someone you’re not to get someone to like you.

Well guess what? It’s been two weeks and he has not called so I call bullshit on your self-satisfaction. And before you say that I cannot possibly know that the reason he hasn’t called is that I was my normal unladylike self, let me say this: we don’t know that that is not the reason either. And it proves that being my full-strength self does not yield optimal results.  And before you say “maybe he’s just busy” let me remind you that no man who is interested in a woman will wait two weeks to ask her out, no matter how busy he is.

The upshot of all of this is that the experiment is a bust. But I will be keeping my eyes peeled for a new target and when I find him we’ll start all over again. In the meantime, I’ll keep you posted on this one when he crawls out of whatever hole he fell in; because we know they always do.

Happy Thursday everyone!

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 14

  1. Sam Sharpe says:

    "And it proves that being my full-strength self does not yield optimal results."

    Max, the only thing this proves is that for whatever reason he isn't interested enough at this point to call. Actually, it may suggest a few other things as well, but I don't have the time and space to get into all of that right now…

    "And before you say "maybe he's just busy" let me remind you that no man who is interested in a woman will wait two weeks to ask her out, no matter how busy he is."

    I don't think I need to remind you that I agree with this 100 per cent. But I will anyway….

    …You know that I think the premise of your experiment is faulty but either way you might want to try this "experiment" on an absolute fresh specimen, an absolute stranger.

  2. Reecie says:

    "Well guess what? It's been two weeks and he has not called so I call bullshit on your self-satisfaction."


    but really, we don't know why 🙂

  3. Streetz says:

    LMAOOO Max this was great. if son was intimidated then he was a bloody lightweight to begin with!

  4. maxfab says:

    LOL yes we don't know why but I am convinced I'm right!

  5. maxfab says:

    You're effing right about that!

  6. maxfab says:

    Ah Sam Sharpe I was wondering where you were.
    It's too hot for me to go on a big (and admittedly flimsy) rant about the results of my experiment. So instead I will grudgingly admit that we can really not glean anything from this activity.

  7. MadScientist7 says:

    it happens. i don't think he was intimidated but i guess we will find out eventually.

  8. emti says:

    yeah you said dude 2 too many times and the whole talking about anal sex??? HAVE I TAUGHT YOU NOTHING lmao

  9. Jemsstar says:

    Oh boy, here goes my unsolicited advice.. LOL: MOVE ON!

    "DUDE" is not interested! The fact that he fell off the face of the earth in the first place is suspect! and he did it twice… nah uh!

    You should never have to change how you are to attract someone, the best reason I can come up with is that at some point the real you is gonna come out, and if they can't handle it then you don't need it. I know it can be hard especially when you like someone, but just because you like someone doesn't mean that they are right for you, and I see nothing wrong with letting full strength Max out.

  10. Jemsstar says:

    I agree with you 100% when you say that: "no man who is interested in a woman will wait two weeks to ask her out, no matter how busy he is" and I call bull$hit on anyone who says maybe he was busy, I'm sorry I just don't buy it. I feel like that is an excuse women/people tell themselves to feel better about holding on to a situation, or excusing someone else's bad behavior! If a phone call can't be made, an email or a text, would have sufficed!

    Mind you I'm fully aware that I might be contradicting my previous statement, but I have evolved, LOL. Those relationship never last, because people end up telling you stuff like, "when we first met, you wasn't like that… you changed!!"

  11. TheMostInteresting says:

    I'm a lil late commenting on this but, I just wanted to put this in different terms and, maybe it'll help a little bit.

    I think most men, or, most desirable men want a women who understands time and place the same way he understands time and place. So, while I may listen to super-hardcore hip-hop in my personal life, and while I may know the ins and outs of working a drug corner (albiet vicariously) and while I might be a closet racist, and while I might be a little more than interesting in the bedroom, when you meet me, I am a perfect gentleman. I say sir and mam to elders, I open doors and pull out chairs for ladies and, on a first date or first conversation with somone I thought had LTR potential, I never, ever bring up sex.

    It's not about trying to be someone you're not, it's about choosing which sides of yourself you show to people you're just getting to know. You are multi-faceted – you're not just loud, and brash as you describe yourself -there's more.

  12. TheMostInteresting says:


    Most men are gonna wanna see the polished side first. If we're thinking long term, we're gonna want to know that we can take you with us to any environment -be it our bosses million dollar wedding in the Hamptons, or our high school best friend Peanut's "coming home from doing a bid" party around the way – we wanna know that you're going to be able to accentuate the parts of your personality that best fit the occassion. We test that by seeing what you will allow us to talk about in our initial conversations and how your present yourself on the first date.

  13. maxfab says:

    This is the dopest comment ever, and not just because you're agreeing with me. You explained my point much more articulately than I did.

    Glad to see you're just as wise over here as you are at SBM.

  14. emti says:

    FINALLY someone who gets what you were saying Maxie…

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