I Am Too Proud to Beg

We determined the ideal date, time, and location for the breakup to occur. We wrote a script well I wrote it but whatevs and practiced it. She had a tagline. We plotted an exit strategy and a fall-out plan. We were ready.
B-day came. She went in and completed her mission like a soldier. In the face of shock, tears, and anger she remained resolute. She did it quick and dirty and got out, just like I coached her. Then she felt like shit so I took her out and got her hammered. The next day she felt great.
The thing is though, for the rest of that week her ex-man contacted her daily. Sometimes he would call for a quick chat, sometimes he sent her angry text messages, sometimes he called her crying. But like a good ex, she kept the conversations short and reminded him that a clean break was better for everyone. She felt like an asshole, but she knew it was the right thing to do.
Then ol’ boy stepped up his game. Now instead of calling to chat he was calling to tell her he would always love her. Instead of angry emails, she was getting “I can’t live without you” letters.  He was still calling her crying but then he brought in the dirtiest tactic of all – full on begging. Suddenly every conversation was filled with a whole lot of “please” and “I’ll do anything” and “Please take me back because I can’t live without you and I promise I’ll change and I love you and please please please give me another chance.”
It was pathetic. But apparently I was the only one who thought so because two weeks later they were back together, happier than pigs in shit with all their old issues unresolved and firmly in place.
I was disgusted. Deeeeeeesgusted. I couldn’t believe that all those hours I spent strategizing with her (over the phone I might add and you know how much I effing hate the phone!) went out the window so quickly.
“Why?” I asked her. “What has changed?”
“Nothing,” she admitted. “but I felt really bad.”
And now she doesn’t. Now she feels good because all the begging gave her an ego boost and nothing impairs our judgement like a big dutty swollen head.  As for him, all I can think every time I look at him is “don’t you have any pride??”.
See if there’s one thing I learned from my mother, it’s pride. What I remember most from my childhood is her saying things like “Don’t beg a man for anything” and “If that man doesn’t want there’s always another one out there who is stupid enough to want you ” (nice one Mum) and “Never ever let a man think you need him more than he needs you”. And so while there have definitely been times in my life where I’ve wanted to beg someone not to leave or plead with someone to come back after he’d left, I literally cannot. I am too proud to beg.
But am I right to be this way? Not according to Sade and the Book of Proverbs. And you know at times I’m inclined to agree. Beyond stopping me from begging someone to be with me, pride is also part of what stops me from making the first move on a man, and I do sometimes wonder if my pride is standing in the way of my one true love? Just think – if I’d asked my first crush on a date or begged my first love to come back after one of our breakups, would I have the house with the white picket fence and 2.5 children right now? Or would I have an unruly man who knows he can do what he wants because I can’t live without him?
I think you guys know what I think…what do you think? Have you begged someone to take you back? Would you? Has begging ever worked on you?

bag lady. digital nerd. beauty junkie. shoe whore. i'm a sucker for big words and box-fresh kicks. know a little bit about a lot of things and have something to say about everything.

Comments 11

  1. Streetz says:

    I agree 100% My pride is a gift and a curse. I may miss some women along te way but I feel the law of averages is in my favor. Also, you have to have some type of respect for yourself… you know what you like and don't, so why diminish it off the strength. I wont front, I have been the baby please take me back dude, but once I woke up, I knew Id NEVER do that again!

    Good post

  2. Sam Sharpe says:

    I have never begged for anything in my life. Why start now. This has nothing to do with my pride, or my ego or a sense of self respect (though I believe those are good enough reasons not to beg). For me it's a common sense proposition. If someone wants you, they want you. If they don't, they don't. They've made a decision. I'm going to keep it moving. I shouldn't have to fight them down in an attempt to win them back….

  3. Reecie says:

    I knew exactly which Sade song was gonna be attached –I'm good like that 😉 but no, you are not wrong. I think there are very FEW instances where begging is acceptable, and this story wasn't one of them, IMO. I read twitter every day and wonder if people have any sort of dignity based on the thirstiness I encounter so…I'm convinced a lot of ppl don't. LOL. but you do, so be glad. 🙂

    I would beg if I truly effed up and felt like it could be fixed, and was worthy of forgiveness. But seriously you only gon' get one GOOD BEG outta me. if that don't work then…I guess I'm just sh*t outta luck.

  4. Dr. J says:

    I have never begged someone to take me back. But then again, something is seriously right with me, because I have the best luck with women. So women are like buses, miss one, next one coming. I have had an ex beg me to take her back, after she DEADED me. Like Slim was saying with the 80-20 rule… i'm probably a 80% good man, and 20% good man that women hate. I'm the type of guy who says what I mean and doesn't compromise my word for the sake of making a woman happy. So women get unhappy. For example, if I said, "I'm not spending over $400 on shoes that are not for me." I don't care if all your friends boyfriends got the new Jimmy Choos, you can go head… So yeah, shorty thought she would find a man who could do things for her that I couldn't, found out that she appreciated my stubborness because i'm very reliable.

  5. maxfab says:

    So we all agree that we won't beg anymore for whatever reason…but have you guys ever given in to begging?

    I'm especially curious about the men because a) begging seems like more of a woman thing to do and b) men in general (not you hyper-evolved types) are more likely to make bad decisions when their head is swole. Pause?

  6. Sam Sharpe says:

    I find begging distasteful. You'll actually lose marks with me for begging.

  7. emti says:

    maxie…^^^^ this one right here is mine
    and Dr. J I buy my own shoes (but they're gucci)
    not that i'm begging or anything…i have some pride 🙂

  8. melissa says:

    ew. why would you beg someone who doesn't want you to be with you? no thanks.

    and double ew to a beggar. it's even more pathetic.

  9. Nick_L_Odeon says:

    you already know what i'm gonna say (cuz i told ya last night).. but yeah, when i was young (er) i asked someone not to break up with me.. we'd broken up so many times, i didn't think he was serious.. then when i found out he was, that conversation took a different turn.. in my defense, we were supposed to get married, so THERE!
    but honestly, i can't do it now.. pride goes before the fall, but i haven't fallen yet!
    once i got used to not having him around, and i realized JUST how much he was sucking my energy dry.. he started comin around with that "there's just something about you.." (I knew that!) and bribing our mutual friends to get my phone number.. "she used to make this shrimp pasta, and i want the recipe" type of b.s..
    i can't lie, the ego boost felt good.. but he wasn't telling me anything i didn't know before.. so now, there was NO taking him back.. it's like trying to re-plug into the Matrix after you've been set free..
    #cantwork.. go thataway.. ————->>>>

  10. MadScientist7 says:

    like you i'm a very prideful individual. i could never see myself begging anybody for anything. if a woman wants to leave me that bad then good ridden. *shrug*

  11. Jemsstar says:

    Now I consider myself a very prideful woman. But I'm not going to lie, I did beg my ex to take me back, and looking back on it now, I don't even know who that woman was! I mean I went into the ugly cry LOL!, and his response to me was "we have heal before we get back together". In my defense I was with this person for 3 1/2 years, and I didn't realize that the reason he was keeping us in limbo was because he was seeing someone else.

    After that I NEVER DID THAT AGAIN!! It's to the point where when I have a disagreement with my current boo, and we stop speaking, I will not pick up the phone and call him first. It's just not in me, to beg someone to talk to me. Yeah I'm stubborn and I may be taking it too far, but I never want to feel like that again.

    BTW, after I got my senses back, when my ex was trying to get back with me, he was the one doing the begging, and if you know me in real life, I'm famous for my STONE FACE, AND #BLANKSTARE!! LOL!

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