Throwback Tuesday – The Problem with Friends and Advice
Welcome to Throwback Tuesday. Since Google Analytics tells me that most of you are new visitors, I thought I’d repost all the good ish you missed before you got on board the max-logic train. I dated a guy once who was a complete asshole. I knew it at the time, but somehow allowed myself to [...]
Welcome to Throwback Tuesday. Since Google Analytics tells me that most of you are new visitors, I thought I’d repost all the good ish you missed before you got on board the max-logic train.
In terms of whether I follow advice, it really depends. Besides my sister, I only have one friend whose advice I would follow without first seriously examining her motivations for giving it. Everyone else’s advice has to go through a screening process before I’ll follow it.
If you are taking dating/relationship advice from your girl who can’t keep a man, you might want to think twice. You know the expression ‘the blind leading the blind’? it applies here. If you see your girl do shit with a man that makes you cringe, why would you trust her judgment over your own? If you’re taking career advice from your frequently-fired friend, you might wanna reconsider that. Just like you want your doctor to have a medical degree, you should want your friend to have some kind of expertise in a matter before you go following their suggestions.
Unless I specifically say ‘tell me what you would do in my situation’, I want my friend to give me advice that’s based on, well, me. I want her to use what she knows about the kind of person I am and the situation I’m in to help me make a decision about how to proceed. We all know that people are different and what is normal behaviour to one person is completely unacceptable to another. I want my advice tailored to my realm of possibility.
Please don’t tell me to do something unless you have thought it through. Because when I ask you ‘why, why do you think i should do that?’ you need to have an answer. Reflexive, unsupported, unilateral advice has little to do with you, your situation, or what is best for you, most of the time it’s your friend just saying what she thinks is the right thing to say at the time.
If a friend advises me to do something that I know for sure she would never do herself, it raises a red flag for me. Is she saying that because she recognizes that we are different, or does she just want to live vicariously through me? Or does she just want to see me crash and burn?
Where you guys stand on taking advice from your friends? Giving advice? Have you ever had to cut someone off from giving/receiving advice from you?