You met him. You charmed him. You’ve tweeted, texted, and talked. Been on the requisite number of dates. And now the big day is here. He’s coming over and you’re gonna bone. Now it’s time to prepare. And what do women do to get ready for imminent sex? Some run straight for the nearest pot [...]
You met him. You charmed him. You’ve tweeted, texted, and talked. Been on the requisite number of dates. And now the big day is here. He’s coming over and you’re gonna bone.
Now it’s time to prepare. And what do women do to get ready for imminent sex?
Some head to Bed, Bath, and Beyond for crisp new sheets and Lavender Linen Water.
(And some of those gals follow that up with a trip to Shopper’s to get some powder for those new sheets)
They head to Bath & Bodyworks for some yummy-smelling candles.
Some women head to La Perla for some yummy-looking lingerie.
Really keen women head to iTunes to download slowjams.
Really progressive women head to Shopper’s to stock up on lube.
Some women do all of that and more.
All women clean their place, hide their maxi-pads and pictures of their ex, and apply perfume in the places they want to be kissed.
Good lord I’m tired just typing that. How these women go through all that prep work and still have energy for the beats is beyond me. Especially considering that 90% of men don’t notice or care about 90% of the stuff women do to prepare for sex. Don’t believe me? Ask a man.
When a man is about to have long-anticipated first time sex, this is what he cares about:
Paranoid dudes want to make sure you’re really alone and no one is going to bust in on him mid-thrust.
Nasty boys want to know if you have hand towels so they can give their balls a quick wash in your sink before the main event.
Pervy boys are wondering if they’re gonna get some ass. In the literal sense of the word.
Men who have been burned in the past are just hoping that they won’t discover a foul and mysterious odour when they remove your panties.
And all men are hoping they’re gonna get head.
As you can see, the prep work women do and the things men worry about are not exactly convergent. Which is why I skip all the décor and lingerie and all that. There is only one must-do on my pre sex list and that is stretching. Yes, stretching. I want to make sure I’m limber for the main event. There’s nothing worse than cramping up when a man tries to throw your leg over his shoulder, please believe that.
And you know, I’ve never had a man say “gee Max it’s nice that you’re all naked and flexible and shit but next time do you think you could light a candle or two?”
That’s it. Happy Friday everyone.
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so after checking of just about everything on your exhaustive list i have to admit that most of that is for me…smelling good, feeling smooth, candles and some nice slow jams really get me in the mood and when i'm the mood the man is getting good beats (and maybe some head) so everyone is happy
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maybe some head? That's allowed? The maybe part…i thougt that was required. :S
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as I told you on twitter, my prep is simple: lotion, bedroom/bathroom presentable, matching undies. Thank the lord I get lasered cuz that's just one less thing on the list to worry about and it guarantees that that area is always prepared. Lol.
I feel like I share too much on your blog. Hahaha..
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i am the prude in the maxfab/emti relationship
head on the first sex date is not a given
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lasered?!?!?!?! omg i'm in pain thinking about it
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Even I don't do head the first time….unless it's someone special.
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Trust me, this isn't compulsory. Men all over the world are bitchin' about this
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oooh lasering – you're so smart.
I would love to get that done.
Now we're all over-sharing.
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there is no way i'm getting that done…fire being aimed at the tun tun?
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maxfab,
I think you're right and wrong. It's not that we don't notice. It's just that these things aren't deal breakers. Let me put it another way. We don't expect slow jams, candles and all that crap, but I think most men (or maybe just me and my crew) would notice the ABSENCE of many of these things. Hedges not trimmed, apartment smells like stale food, skin a bit ashy–we'll notice.
It's not gonna stop us from gettin' in there, but we notice. I think what this really says is that men are soldiers for sex. Barring a dead cat in your bed or your senile grandmamma sitting in the room (and maybe still) we're still trying to get that p***y.
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Does anyone else miss the days when Sam Sharpe agreed with everything I said? I do…
Anyway. You're right. It was an over-statement for me to say they don't notice…except I'm willing to bet money most straight men won't notice the presence/absence of linen water and powder on the sheets.
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Hey if I can let someone spread hot was on your tuns on a monthly basis I can let someone point a laser at it a couple of times and done.
Or find a man who embraces the bush.
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exactly! Trust me, waxing is 14252752555 times worse. But I know, lasering and darker skin = questionable. Still, its the bestest aesthetic decision I've ever made.
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really?? I'll give head before i'll let him poke me. Less risky.
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Nooooo way. Sometimes giving up head is giving up power. Some dudes need to earn that shit.
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"Does anyone else miss the days when Sam Sharpe agreed with everything I said? I do… "
This just allows us to make up text. Everyone loves make up text don't they. But I think you're right about the linen water and powder on the sheets. In fact, when I read the part about the powder on the sheets my only thought was:
Huh?!?!?
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is this true??? Does that mean guys would prefer head over sex in general, if they had to choose?
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We need more __melissa's in the world.
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what did i just walk into?!?!?!
and… lasering IS the best! *hi 5 melissa
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Clearly I need to get in on the lasering game.
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I don't know…that's a question for Mr. Sharpe I guess.
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I can't decide if I get more turned on when you agree with me or when you disagree…
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What the hell is wrong with you!
How can you not give top on the first date and still expect a good performance?!!?!?!
Its an insult to me penis
Lazy heffas, more concern with how they are seen than making it a good night.
I swear. If it wasn't for your vagina you would be worthless
Show me what you got! First Night!
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You know melissa, I really love a trimed bush. Bald is beautiful when its not on her head.
Can you tell me more about your pus puss? Does it maintain the same smoothness you get from waxing? Are you able to get ALL the hair down there?
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LOL CHeekZ LOL!
Like I said – some dudes have to earn the top.
I'm sure you're not one of them, but I'm not just doling that out to every tom dick and harry I come across.
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But u aren't sleeping with EVERY tom dick and harry.
But the men you are sleeping with earn the right to get that top!
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The vast majority of what women do is pure foolishness. I am convinced they do it for themselves.
Some of this is acceptable:
1)Cleaning your house is normal for a new guest. So changing the sheets is fine. But linen water?!?!!
2)Shaving is a most for both sexes. Max, NO SANE MAN like a bush.
3)Lighting. Though I am a lights on type of guy (let me see that sweater camels bounce!!!) I am fine with setting the mood though lights. I take it as a communication as to what type of forplay we have.
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Ehh, I also like a landing strip. For obvious humorous reasons.
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Here's the thing. Lots of girls don't give head. (Either that, or I've just dated all of 'em) But everyone has sex. So when you meet a woman who loves it (and is good at it) you're in no hurry to let her go.
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CHeeKZ is 100 per cent correct on this issue. If he's good enough for your bed, he's good enough for head.
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I'm just glad you're turned on.
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I have to disagree with you Max. I love a good (matching) bra and panty set. Imagine if someone just handed you a birthday gift with newspaper on it or better yet just the gift itself. Kinda takes away from it, right? Not to mention, I like to look at my presents before I unwrap them the first time out. Unless there's no time for all that.
Plus there's nothing sexier than slowly reaching down and feeling a thong when you're about to get into it.
Candles, lights, linens and all that are extras, but the personal grooming and beautification are definitely noticed and noted.
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I've got to disagree with #2. Or maybe I'm insane. But I like to see grass on the field.
For reference:
http://metanotherfrog.com/main-page/bring-back-bu…
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I pretty much do everything you've listed except buy new sheets. I like to sleep on excellent quality sheets but i don't want "stuff" messing them up, so I have separate sheets for s*xing. They're still good quality but not top of the line.
I also have a special candle i got fro the dirty bookstore called Horny, it supposedly gives off pheromones. I don't know how or if it works but it smells good and men seem to like it.
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Here's my take on first time sex date head. If this is someone I'm dating and feeling (not a FWB or hookup) then I definitely will give him head. I want him to go down so turnaround is only fair play. It's like a job interview, you wouldn't go on an interview and not reveal something good about yourself. You have to put your best foot forward. Make them want to retain your services.
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LOL at the separate sheets for s*xing. Men do that too. It's called the sheets on the bed. If you're special and/or new, maybe we'll make sure they're clean. I'm only half joking about this.
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LOL. i can tell you more about the lasering process…..it is as close to permanent as you can get, but it's still not 100% permanent, gone forever…you have to go back for touchups a couple times a year, but if the hair comes back, it's very very fine…like baby hair. so yes, its very smooth.
and yes, you can get a brazilian laser. the lower you go, the more the laser hurts (still not as bad as waxing).
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i agree 100%.
if he's earned entry into your ladyparts, i think he's earned the head. there are other things he can earn above that though….swallowing….sticking it elsewhere…etc. but just general head? no.
i've commented too much today. i'm gonna stop now.
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Seattle just made me swoon a lil' bit…all my preparations may not have been for naught
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see maxie? landing strip FTW
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but mr. sharpe does that mean head has to be doled out on the first sex date
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i think i now know EVERYTHING about __melissa
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Isn't Seattle dope? I'm so glad I FOUND HIM FIRST and can lay claim on him for life…in other words, fall the eff back. Even if he does love a landing strip.
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Max,
Who is this __melissa and where have you been hiding her?
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It doesn't have to be. But I sure ain't gonna say no to it. Can't wait too long or I'll brand you with the prude tag and start looking elsewhere.
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you're too hairy for him…go hang with mr. sharpe he loveth a bush
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I know Melissa's amazing right?
I'm trying to get her to write something on here but she's resisting my efforts so far.
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And this is why I heart this man.
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For the record Cheekz, my hedges are well-tended. The important areas are kept clear but I just don't want to look like an eleven-year old girl when I take off my pants.
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And by the way Seattle, you can come by here and disagree with me anytime.
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lol…..this is why i don't think i need to write something. mansa already thinks she knows everything about me (or DOES she ^_~), and that's only through comments on your blog!!!
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I'm happy to give up receiving head if it means I don't have to give it to someone I deem as-yet-unworthy.
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Cheekz &+ Sam Sharpe: You two don't know how squeamish I am…getting in the poons is one thing, but in my mouth?!? That's big things.
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i agree that men probably don't care about most of this. based on the list you included for men i would say the only thing that probably matters for me is if her house is clean. if her house is disgusting then i'm thinking about how she takes care of her body. also, if she shaves. not just her pubes but also her legs. during foreplay no man wants to feel like she's feeling on monique's legs.
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