Like most days, I spent a good amount of yesterday over at SingleBlackMale.org. And like most days, a little bit of bacchanal popped off. Like most days, my blogging boy Dr Jay Jack dropped the real talk on the ladies and a couple got a little upset. Like most days, what the ladies were upset [...]
Like most days, I spent a good amount of yesterday over at SingleBlackMale.org. And like most days, a little bit of bacchanal popped off. Like most days, my blogging boy Dr Jay Jack dropped the real talk on the ladies and a couple got a little upset. Like most days, what the ladies were upset about had very little to do with what Dr Jay Jack said.
Sidebar: no disrespect is intended by not linking to the post or the comments. I have another post planned where I dissect in more detail and I don’t want your little heads distracted by that right now.
Anyway. This whole ladies getting riled up over basically nothing is as common a phenomenon in real life as it is on SBM. And if I were a man writing about this, a whole lot of ladies would be getting riled up at me for saying that. But the fact of the matter is, women love to start sh*t with men. We like to fight you and do you want to know why? So you can win.
Yeah – I said it. Deep down, a woman just wants a man who can put her in her place. This doesn’t mean that we want a man to be abusive, dismissive, or mean, but we do want a man who knows when to bring out the “hush mama”. The hush mama (© emti) is when a man tells a woman in no uncertain terms to settle herself. And it is a beautiful thing. I used to have a man who warned me that I was about to “fly past my nest” on the rare occasions that I was getting rowdy. It was so hot.
Of course there are a lot of men who don’t know how to do this properly and that creates all types of problems. But there is a time and a place for the hush mama. Sometimes women act up because they want attention or because they’ve misunderstood something. Sometimes we get in a tizz over things that even we recognize are meaningless, but we’ve started and we can’t back down now. And in these types of situations, there is nothing sexier than a hush mama.
You don’t have to say “hush mama”. You could say “calm yourself” or “sit down” or “don’t fly past your nest”. There are any number of ways you can tell your girl to settle down in a way that results in her being turned on rather than losing her shit. It’s all about the circumstances and the delivery.
But let me say it again: a man who knows how to put me in my place is a fucking sexy man.
Now if you’ve read my blog enough you know I’m not a spazzy kind of girl. I don’t yell, nag, or forbid. But I am a hyper girl, a nervous girl, and a man who knows how to distinguish between legitimate anxiety and a dramatic moment and will shut it down has the potential to be Mr. Fab.
Ladies, I’m dying to hear what you think because I bet you don’t know you agree with me. Can you see the appeal of a man who knows how and when to tell you to hush? And men – if you think you’ve mastered the hush mama, give me a call sometime let me know.
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[...] give you a quick hush mama and send you on your way. And as we all know, a man who gives a good hush mama is a man to hold on [...]
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[...] give you a quick hush mama and send you on your way. And as we all know, a man who gives a good hush mama is a man to hold on [...]
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[...] is new, right? But this one is dangerous. Dude is smart. Funny. Knows how to administer a perfect hush mama. He’s cute and wears great shoes and has an encylcopedic knowledge of the world’s [...]
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[...] the other has really changed. We had a fight (during which he administered the most phenomenal hush mama) then a talk, and we seem to be back to our regularly scheduled programming of taking tentative [...]
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I just broke up with my long term boyfriend because he didn't have this quality (amongst many, many other things). I used to even coach him on it, "so ok. When I start going overboard, just tell me to calm down". But the loser never cared enough about me to do it, so good riddance.
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McKinley! First of all, hiiiiiiii! Long time no see.
Secondly – sorry to hear that.
Third – sounds like you did the right thing. Nothing says love like the hush mama.
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wait a minute… u can't keep your cool and he gets the axe? Really?!?
Omar gooding said it best "Y'all are some unstable creatures."
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"But the loser never cared enough about me to do it, so good riddance."
Really? You're kidding right? I'm beginning to think you women make this stuff up as you go along. Do you know how often I've had women say the following to me:
"When I'm angry or worked up about something, I don't want your help, I don't want you to fix it. I just want you to listen and support me"
But now I'm supposed to believe that there are certain times that I should step in and give you a metaphorical smack down?!?!
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Dear CHeeKZ and Sam Sharpe,
I love you both dearly and you know this, but I think you're missing something here.
She said "he didn't have this quality against many, many other things".
So right off the bat we can see that it's not as simple as he never told her to hush.
She said that she explained to him what she needed and he still didn't to do it.
As proponents of the whole "women need to articulate their needs" school of thought, are you really being this quick to dismiss the implications of a man refusing to do something his longtime girlfriend has repeatedly told him she needs? Even if you think that what she wants is frivolous, that still says something about the dude.
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max-fab,
You do make a fair point that I did not consider other things may have been wrong with the dude….but I can only go on the information that's provided…..
You ask:
"are you really being this quick to dismiss the implications of a man refusing to do something his longtime girlfriend has repeatedly told him she needs? Even if you think that what she wants is frivolous, that still says something about the dude."
In a word. Yes.
See, maybe I'm splitting hairs here. But there is a subtle but significant difference between want and need. And as I interpet the information that has been presented here, y'all are talking about a want, not a need.
I want: A girl with lips like Sade's, a booty like Beyonce's, the wordliness of Salma Hayek and the cooking skills of Padma Lakshi (oh, and Oprah's bank wouldn't hurt either)
I need: A woman with integrity, intelligence and a sense of humour….
May not be worth much, but that's my two cents….
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Okay Sam Sharpe I feel you. That makes sense.
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i do think i may be falling in love with sam sharpe
he can tell me to hush anytime
actually his last three lines basically told Max to hush and she's probably wet right now
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basically, what @emti just said.
Damn
and again.
Damn.
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You know what, I totally agree with you Max.
I remember talking to a dude for about a year and one time I was admittedly getting out of hand, and he was like "GIRL PLEASE". You know what, I just laughed, because he could have easily gotten hyped right along with me, but he realized that it wasn't that serious, and in turn made me realize that too. I had a lot a respect for him because he was never rude about it, he could always extinguish my "crazy" without letting it get to be a fight about nothing.
I always say in relationships you gotta pick your battles, and sometimes we women don't always know which ones to pick, so a man that can give you that "hush mama" is forever sexy in my book.
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Girl you're exactly right.
In typical woman fashion, women refuse to see the benefit in this – probably because most women can't admit that they get heated over nothing sometimes. "Girl please" or "hush mama" are not things a man should say when his woman has a legitimate beef, but if she's in a tizz over nothing it's a different story.
A man who can diffuse the situation and let you know that he knows that you know you're out of control is a great thing.
Also – I know I've seen you around SBM but not sure if you've commented here before so just in case…welcome! Sorry I don't have a welcoming committee like certain other sites but….
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Wow. I guess I should have revisited this post about 5 comments ago.
Cheekz Monkey and Sam- He told me he didn't want to marry or have kids, and that he was never willing to compromise what he wanted to be in the relationship (This was the first time I'd heard any of this in 3 years). Then he said I was the perfect woman for him, but he could understand if he wasn't the perfect man for me. And that he wanted to stay in the relationship long distance, so long as I could make it work and eventually move back to England to live his life (not quite in those words).
This makes me sound like a sucker, instead of a strong, no nonsense bitch. I wouldn't describe myself as either. I am, however, a very apt communicator but at the same time a woman who tends to get lost in love.
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Hey Thanks Max!!! I love these sites, they keep me dying all day long!
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So true. A man who has the right amount of authority and sensibility to deliver this sentence is very very sexy.
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are you kidding? this is the holy fucking grail of manliness.
i can’t even think about the possibility of a man knowing how to step to me though (and yes, it’s boner inducing just to THINK about this even happening), i’m too busy trying to keep every man i know out of sandals and jogging pants.
this right here, this is some kind of old world man shit that none of these pussy’s have ever had the balls to employ.
if a man ever managed to pull his ass up to my level to even attempt to understand me long enough to tell me to calm myself…
i’d put a ring on it right then and there
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Anna everything about this comment makes me love you. You are sooo right.
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I had a man in my life that would tell me to “Watch your tone”….oooooh weeeeee if that didn’t get me worked up. I later told him that I loved that he put me in my place…this post embodies all of my feelings about a REAL man. Max you are a genius.
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Funny…. I guess that’s one of the defining differences between my spectacular asshole and the new love. His method of hushing me was disrespectful, crude and would piss me to no end which would always start a nigga-who-the-frank-you-talkin-to argument. new guy… he will actually tell me “shhh” and slap a kiss on that, by the time he’s done i wanna be mad…. lol but i can’t be. A strong man… is a sexy man.
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