A while back I wrote about the allure of the younger man. At that time, I hadn’t played in the sandbox experienced the phenomenon and wondered whether there were any drawbacks to getting involved with a young buck. Now after knocking back a few a bit more research, I know the answer is yes. Don’t [...]
A while back I wrote about the allure of the younger man. At that time, I hadn’t played in the sandbox experienced the phenomenon and wondered whether there were any drawbacks to getting involved with a young buck. Now after knocking back a few a bit more research, I know the answer is yes.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still in favour of the younger guy. I still think they bring the freshness and most women in their 30′s need that. But, being young, they also need a little guidance when it comes to dealing with grown ups. What’s cute and charming to a 25 year-old girl makes a 35 year-old stabby.
So without further ado, I give you Older Women 101: A Guide for Young Bucks (Don’t you just love the term “young buck”?)
1. Time is money and outta sight, outta mind.
Two things I’ve noticed heard about younger guys: They’re perpetually late and they disappear for weeks on end. Neither of these are cute and both must stop immediately. If I say come over at 7 and you show up at 9, I will be sleeping (my Twitter people can attest to this). And no I’m not going to wake up for you; don’t you know that in your 30′s sleep trumps sex? At least on weekdays.
Similar to this, if we hook up on a day when there’s snow on the ground and I don’t hear from you again until my lilac tree is blooming, you have lost your place in my rotation. A drift-off is not a good look for any man, but for a young dude there is no recovering from this.
2. We’re not gonna work for it
The whole point of getting with younger dudes is that they are easier to deal with than men our own age. You call when you say you’re going to. You have time (or make time) for us. You are free with compliments. We’re supposed to get from you that which your older counterparts withhold. So don’t try to make me sweat you. What for? I’m too old to work for c*ck.
3. Hey how you doing just means hey how you doing
Don’t get all shook just because your older girl extended some common courtesy to you. Offering you a beverage or a meal, texting to ask how your big day went, or offering to give you a ride somewhere are not signs that she’s trying to be wifed. She’s just being mannerly.
4. We don’t (always) do sleepovers
Older women are particular about their shit. We don’t want to sleep on your low-thread-count sheets or wash our faces with your hard water. We don’t want to drink our morning OJ in a mug because you have no clean glasses. Just let us go home after the main event if that’s what we want to do.
5. We don’t care about your other girls
If you’re spending time with an older woman and she asks you about your other women, she’s not jealous. She’s concerned about two things: your hygeine and your drama quotient. We’re not trying to lock you down so there is no reason to lie. Or to get all freaked out and disappear for weeks on end.
Am I being a bit unfair here? Probably. But to me, the whole point of the arrangement is to achieve the zipless fuck. Easy, no strings, no muss, no fuss. So why you young bucks must muss and fuss it up with your bullshit is beyond me. But stop it right now before I put your ass in the naughty corner.
But what do you guys think? Ladies do you hold younger men to a higher standard than men your own age? Men are you willing to work harder for an older woman?
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Max – this post is f'in hilarious.
The only thing I'd add to it is this. We ol' girls are SO not down for coaching your ass on how to throw down. I've heard many a 'young buck' complain about the lack of skillz their female peers bring to the table relative to themselves (you know how the young'uns like to talk like they got a whole lot of game).
Well FYI: children, the same thing applies to you when you are welcomed into an ol' girl's bed. Coming with weak shit will definitely result in you not being asked to come back for a second round. In fact, it may even get you 'Get the eff off me and go home NOW' your first time out.
Ah that's a good one. Of course as you know I don't coach so it hadn't occurred to me. Maybe I should have asked an actual grownup to write with me
do i hold younger guys to a higher standard? helllllllll no. maybe its because i don't consider myself old enough to be an older woman (or i'm just in denial?)….or that my brother is 4 years younger than me, so anyone his age or younger is automatically off limits (it just seems wrong). but i just don't see any redeeming factors about being with a younger guy other than, when you're really older (certified cougar status), they can boost your self confidence.
young guys are selfish and they play games. 2 things i definitely do not want in a man.
Hilarious. But, I have a few comments. I'll try to be brief.
"don't you know that in your 30's sleep trumps sex"
You "old" girls are having the wrong kind of sex with the wrong kind of people.
"So don't try to make me sweat you. What for? I'm too old to work for c*ck."
If you're too old to work for c*ck, you're not gonna find c*ck that works for you. Feel me.
"We don't want to sleep on your low-thread-count sheets or wash our faces with your hard water."
No comment really, I just thought this line was classic.
Up until a little while ago there was nothing that could trump sex for me. But now a good book and a good bagel sound just as enticing as mediocre sex. Primo grade-A sex is still unbeatable though.
I will work for c*ck, but not when it's attached to a little boy. Again I will travel to the ends of the earth for the high grade goodness but anything less has to just fall in my lap.
i don't do young boys. period. full stop.
gimme some grey hair and a paunch and i'm a happy happy emti
I think if you're still in your 20's you can't really be an older woman. Unless you're slamming teenagers, of course.
I knew about the paunch but now we're lusting after grey hair too?
This might be a crisis!
i'm no longer in my 20s! barely…but still. *sob*
I discovered your blog from one of the other sites I visit. I like it. I'm usually just a lurker but this topic is right up my alley. I'm a (s*xual) cougar. I'll do them but I won't date them.
I agree with everything you've stated. The main draw for me is the fact i don't have to work for it. Like you said, I'll put in work for a man but there is absolutely no need with the young. The cougar phenom is so hot right now that i can have my pick. All I have to do is send a text and they come running. We get our rocks off and then go our separate ways. Granted, there's no stimulating conversations to be had but in this situation you have to give up something to get something else.
Well hello there and thanks for commenting.
You and I clearly see eye-to-eye on this issue. I don't mind having some fun with a young guy but I'm not investing anything in it, therefore I refuse to work for it and I refuse to be irritated by it. It's just not worth the trouble.
yes we do agree on this one. i've been going back to read some of your older posts that i missed and it seems like i agree with you on many other topics as well. i look forward to future posts.
Oh thanks TAM!
oh yes i loves the grey hair
receding hairline can gwan…i don't like the patch at the top of the head though (that's where i draw the line lol)
ha this is so timely. I can’t believe I missed this post when it first went up. I like young bucks alottttttt but Lord knows after awhile they are annoying.
yea coaching didnt occur to me either (re: Skye’s comment)because thats the ONE thing I expect you to do well!