A Throwback Post – The Little Engine that Could

22
Mar
2010

I had a bit of a rough weekend with no time to write so I’m sharing a post from my old blog with you today. Many years ago I went on a date with this guy. The date was so unspectacular that I literally cannot remember anything about it – nothing at all except that [...]


I had a bit of a rough weekend with no time to write so I’m sharing a post from my old blog with you today.
Many years ago I went on a date with this guy. The date was so unspectacular that I literally cannot remember anything about it – nothing at all except that I parked my car in a green P lot near Yonge & College. Actually – that’s one thing I remember – he didn’t drive. And y’all know how I feel about that right??He was a singer and male singers tend to annoy me. They just think they’re so NICE. Even when they look like the bottom of my shoe. This guy wasn’t that horrid but he definitely thought he was destined for superstardom and that I should count myself lucky that I was given an audience with him.

Anyway. Like I said, I wasn’t feeling this guy. So I thought I’d try a theory I read about that was supposed to guarantee you’d never hear from a guy again: just f*ck him. Literally, not figuratively. If you go on one date with a guy and you never want to see him again, sleep with him and chances are he’ll disappear from the face of the earth. 

So I brought him home with me. The foreplay must have been weak because I don’t remember it at all. What I do remember is the histrionics that ensued. Once I ascertained that he was inside me (and trust me I had to do an extremity-count because I couldn’t feel much) I was absolutely astounded by the caterwauling that went on. He was bucking and weaving, moaning and panting and sweating. And sweating. There was so much sweat I have to say it twice. This dude sweated out alllllll my edges. It was about 10,000,000 kilowatts of energy to light a 40-watt bulb. You know what I’m saying? I was completely flabbergasted. And thank G-d for that because if not I would have fallen asleep, it was that bad. I just laid there, watching this bead of sweat collecting at the tip of his chin and thinking “yes work that little d*ck boy”. And if you know me at all you know I don’t talk like that so trust me when I tell you it was so crazy it gave me multiple personalities.Anyway, to add insult to injury the shit didn’t go on very long either. No length, no girth, no stamina. Poor child. I feel sorry for his future wife.

It was over, he was wack, I was sleepy (and obviously needed a shower). He left, promising to call me the next day. And I guess the theory was correct because then…and THEN… and then he never called me!

p.s. I saw him a few months later and some party or another. He made the mistake of trying to speak to me. I gazed at him coolly over the tip of my cigarette and said “anything you have to say to me you should have said when you called me the day after you fucked me. Oh – wait, you didn’t. So please don’t speak to me.” Was that rude??



28 Comments

  • Sam Sharpe says:

    This made me chuckle:

    "Once I ascertained that he was inside me (and trust me I had to do an extremity-count because I couldn’t feel much) I was absolutely astounded by the caterwauling that went on"

    and then this brought on full on laughter:

    "It was about 10,000,000 kilowatts of energy to light a 40-watt bulb"

    and then this made my coworkers ask me what the hell is so funny:

    " I just laid there, watching this bead of sweat collecting at the tip of his chin and thinking “yes work that little d*ck boy”"

    So Max, please, I beg you. Because I come to your blog while I'm out working for the man, for the sake of my job security, please warn me ahead of time that this shit is going to be real, real, real hilarious….

    ….love the use of the word 'caterwauling'….

  • Anike Love says:

    "I just laid there, watching this bead of sweat collecting at the tip of his chin and thinking “yes work that little d*ck boy”.

    OMG, THIS was toooo hilarious. Those type of guys are the WORSE, makes you feel like they've violated the sanctity of the vagi-gi, tsk tsk.

  • maxfab says:

    Lol – I think what offended me most about the experience was not the small penis so much as the dramatics. I was like, this is not a porno there's no reason for all that. Your shit is small, you're not doing much here, so let's just be real here.

  • WWD says:

    I feel your pain for I too have bedded an individual that thought she had the starring role in a Brian Pumper joint and I must say, it through of my counting – LOL!

    Seriously though, I don’t get that whole call the next day thing especially if it was a less than desirable experience. And besides, weren’t you in the room too? Why is it always the dude’s responsibility to call the next day?

    I would think that if girlfriend doesn’t call me and I don’t call her we are both saying quite clearly that neither of us is interested in that ever happening again. If either party initiates the call then there is a chance for more, however that manifests itself.

    I think I would be more offended had he said nothing. To at least acknowledge you demonstrates proper manners and a willingness to let bygones be bygones. Who needs to be carrying around pent up animosities for a little bad sex. There are far too many opportunities for that.

  • maxfab says:

    It is just manners for a man to call a woman the next day. It is the mannerly thing to do and that's all there is to say about that.

    It is not proper manners to f*ck someone, never call them again, and then brazenly try to chat to her as if nothing ever happened. Please refer to item #8 of the Panty Meat Moves post.

  • WWD says:

    “It is just manners…” so why didn’t you call him! If this post coital conversation is so important to women why do they put the onus for said conversation on the man? It’s been well documented that men have certain limitations when it comes to “conversation”. Expecting such a call in the first place is fool hardy at best but to expect a call from a man with no motivation (i.e. one that just wanted to get at the meat) that’s just dumb. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have blown him off. In fact, I think you were well in your rights.

    The cold hard reality is if all a dude wants from you as a woman is your sex then the moment he has attained that goal its over. Not the next day after he extends to you a courtesy “thanks for the fcuk call”. That night, probably a matter seconds after he busted that nut, it was officially over. Incidentally, I fail to see any significance in a phone call to let you know there will be no further overtures.

  • maxfab says:

    Oh WWD I'm sorry let me clarify – it is manners for the man to call the woman is what I should have said. Now I know you are not as obtuse as you appear in this comment but I'm going to break it down for you one more time.

    Why is it the man's responsibility to call? Because men are the ones with all the charming double standards about women who give it up too easily/too soon. Men have given women a complex about not being respected after they've given up the drawers, and the price you pay for that is that you make the effing post-sex phone call to let her know you respect her. If you don't then yeah – don't call. Thus proving my point that it's a sign of disrespect not to call a woman after sex.

    And FYI it doesn't matter if you fail to see the significance of the phone call because this is one of those things that is actually not about you.

  • maxfab says:

    Oh WWD I'm sorry let me clarify – it is manners for the man to call the woman is what I should have said. Now I know you are not as obtuse as you appear in this comment but I'm going to break it down for you one more time.

    Why is it the man's responsibility to call? Because men are the ones with all the charming double standards about women who give it up too easily/too soon. Men have given women a complex about not being respected after they've given up the drawers, and the price you pay for that is that you make the effing post-sex phone call to let her know you respect her. If you don't then yeah – don't call. Thus proving my point that it's a sign of disrespect not to call a woman after sex.

    And FYI it doesn't matter if you fail to see the significance of the phone call because this is one of those things that is actually not about you.

  • Anon says:

    did you really feel like talking to him after all that you went through in the first place? the sweat etc? i wouldn't have expected to talk to him at all if it was crappy like that. if he took me to the peaks of Mt. Everest then a call would have been nice

  • maxfab says:

    It's not that I wanted to talk to him, it's the principle of it. I know that men know good and well it's rude not to call a woman after sex (the above comment notwithstanding) so to not do it is just rude. To be honest, I probably would have screened the call.

  • WWD says:

    A lioness does not send a thank-you card to the herd after she kills her prey. She simply kills it, eats it and goes looking for the next meal when the urge strikes her again.

    What’s more, I know you (women) know this I just don’t know why it’s so difficult to accept.

  • maxfab says:

    I accept that it's an asshole move not to call – as your touching analogy would suggest. Do you??

  • CHeeKZ Money says:

    I agree with both of you. I feel bad for riding the fence between two e-friends who I always seem to agree with.

    I agree with WWD's point about women overvalueing symbolic gestures. In Max's case, I might call again… but its not out of a sign of respect. More out of trying not to burn a bridge and keep an easy thing going.
    I agree with Max, that men should take actions that encourage women to give it up on the first night. I wish Max would apply that rule when we go out. I'll atleast leave you a comment the next day. Where Max really makes her case is in the fact that the dude took the punani. If he wasn't into her, he shouldn't have gotten into her. But he took the punani, anyway (not looking down on him. I would sleep with a Nazi who kicked kittens). So, since he took the gushy without caring, Max is free to act a fool and play him.

    But like WWD said, that call is still very irrelevant. B/c you already hated his guts and really don't care about his respect. Information only the audience is aware of.

  • CHeeKZ MOney says:

    P.S. is sweating that bad? I think a little sweat on a woman's back is kinda sexy. I work hard and I'm moving alot of weight over here. I have dripped in a partner's eye before, but that was in high school when we were dry humping, so I don't feel as bad.

  • WWD says:

    This is not a logical posture. If you engage in flippant random sex you can’t expect that the other party is going to call you after no matter how much you feel they should and especially if it was an unpleasurable experience. If you went on a couple, few dates and built up some sort of rapport first then arguably any proper gentleman should call… and say what though? “Thanks for the wack sex. I truly hope our paths never cross again”. You really need to hear this. Personally, I’d prefer them to fade into oblivion. Best case scenario though you hope to get, “I had a great time. Look forward to getting together again soon”. This could mean that he simply wants to fcuk again or he is interested in furthering the relationship which is good if you share the same thoughts.

    If a woman doesn’t call me after sex or any succession of overtures I take that to mean she is not that interested. There is no love loss, no animosity; it’s just on to the next one.

    Where are the fellas on this one? Is it just me?

  • maxfab says:

    "Men should take actions that encourage women to give it up on the first night."

    Exactly CHeeKZ. Whatever a woman's reason for wanting the call, the fact is that not making it will make her think twice about giving it up the next time. So it's just bad form to not make the call. It's just what you do. Especially when you get ATM-esque pussy as in this story.

  • maxfab says:

    If you're putting in work, sweat all you want. But this was like breaking out into a sweat during a thumb-war….just disproportionate.

  • maxfab says:

    Perhaps I cannot expect it, but I am entitled to my opinion about it. And my opinion is that it is bad manners.

  • maxfab says:

    p.s. CHeeKZ I've missed you! Where you been?

  • maxfab says:

    Thank you Sam Sharpe. I was wondering where you were hiding. Then I realized your comments are being filtered as spam for some reason.

    I'll try not to be so funny next time but you know it's hard for me.

  • Jemsstar says:

    Ok, I don't know either of yall and although I frequent this site, this will be the first time I'm compelled to comment. LOL. That said, I totally agree with Max, and it's not because I am a female also. It's just plain rude not to call! Bottomline, whether sex took place or not, to have a date with someone and for them to not ever call again is going to make you feel a certain way. I'm saying he could have called to say he got home safe and never called again, and I think Max would have been satisfied with that. But to not call again is just wack. When dude made that choice not to call, he should have never thought it was ok to approach her later and be like "hey, what's up", Ohhhh, now he was to exhibit some manners?!?!? Maan he got what was coming to him!

  • maxfab says:

    THANK YOU!

    "Ohhhh, now he was to exhibit some manners?!?!?" Exactly my point!

    Jemsstar welcome and please comment again soon. I try to keep WWD in check but it's too big of a job for just me!

  • CHeeKZ says:

    Wait… If Sweaty SmallCock didn't get any buns than its silly for him to have to call. Now you are just asking for things that benefit you in the hopes of keeping your options open. Unfair. You want a phone call .. make it worth my time. I'm not just going to call you to hear about your day. I had one myself.

  • Jemsstar says:

    OMG!!! you guys do not get it!!! if that was the case, then whatever, because her intention was to get him to keep it moving anyway!!! We probably wouldn't even have had this post had he not try to say hello. It's probably the only other thing that made him memorable enough to post this,,, that and his wack-a$$ D!

    @Max, I got you girl!! LOL!

    p.s. sorry about all of the exclamation points… I get excited. LOL!

  • maxfab says:

    LOL you two are killing me right now.

    CHeeKZ you're right though – no buns, no call.

  • WWD says:

    Yes people!!! This is what I love! Discussion! We aint all got to agree but the fact that we can debate this shit like rational, insightful people is the point, at least for me. I got bid wood for all of you right now!! Who wants some – lol and who's this Jemsstar kid? I like this one!

  • Goddess Intellect says:

    Hi…
    First time commenter, fellow Torontonian.
    Ummm wow, lets see
    I dont think you were rude, but you def sucker punched dudes ego at the party …whatever was left of it anyway.
    What was he tryna ask you? I'm curious to know….even tho i know?!! lol
    From the sounds of it, he maybe was tryna break the ice and sensed from the jump (the moment he entered you) that this was not going anywehere. I mean im sure you werent huffing and puffing then cuddling with him after…so I'm sure he's not completely stupid and got the hint that ummm you were no where near satisfied.
    So I think embarassment and damaged ego were the reasons for him not to call.
    And if not that….
    men who are feelin themselves and are off in never never land think that they are so good in bed that they shouldnt have to call…shyt I dont know, but this post was hilarious.

  • maxfab says:

    Welcome! Good to have you on here and I'm a fan of your site by the way.
    Honestly, I think dude just wanted to say what's up to me. But I was just not having it. I absolutely cannot stand it when a man does something rude i.e. not call me after sex and then tries to brazenly chat me up like nothing ever happened. It just burns me!

    I'm not convinced that he didn't call because he was embarassed. To be honest I think he put me in the category as "that kind of girl" and didn't think I was worth the call.

    And to be even more honest, if the sh*t was good I might have forgiven the no-call. But weak sauce and no call is going too far!


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