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*this is a repost from my new urban singles column on examiner.com. please go over there and subscribe. and yes, you do have to subscribe to both*

If you’re urban and single in Toronto and you like to hit the clubs,the parties you frequent probably fall into one of five categories:

There’s the “hardcore” parties which are largely dominated by theunder-30 set. They usually happen in clubs like KoolHaus or the Docks,there’s no dress code, and the music is of the Gucci Mane/Rick Rossvariety.
Next we have the “backpack” parties. These parties are almost neverdowntown and while there’s no dress code, if you’re not wearing a plaidshirt, horn rims, or Converse you’re gonna stick out like a sore thumb.The bill usually features a DJ or artist you won’t have heard of ifyou’re not a backpacker and the music is more Wale than Lil Wayne.
“Music Lover” parties are for the music snobs. A staunchly 30-pluscrowd and a style code so you can be comfortable but still look likeyou have some “broughtupsy”. These parties are downtown but in smallerclubs so you can rub shoulders more intimately with music aficionadossuch as yourself. The music runs the gamut from Otis Redding to PhilCollins to J. Holiday and almost every song emits a wall bang from atleast 50 people.
“Upscale” parties are for the fabulous, darling. There’s a strict dresscode and they happen in clubs that aren’t clubs – they’re lounges, ortheatres. The crowd is 30 and up with a few celebrities thrown in forgood measure. The music doesn’t matter much but expect to hear at least5 Drake songs per night.
Lastly we have the “bashie” parties. These parties are usually inScarborough. They happen in restaurants or social clubs and the dresscode goes like this: dress to sweat. If you’re not wearing sneakers andyou didn’t walk with your rag you’re gonna be sorry. The music iseither all soca or all reggae. All night.

Now if you’re hitting the party circuit on at least a semi-regularbasis, pretty soon you’re gonna start recognizing people. You’ll catchsomeone’s eye as the DJ wheels back a dope song and next thing you knowyour two circles have merged and you’re in one big happy dancingfamily. You hit Wah Too’s after the club for Chinese breakfast andquicker than you can say $15 cover charge you’ve got a new crop ofprospective mates. Sounds great right? But do that four or five timesand you’ve come to the point where you’ve met and dated everyone thatmay possibly be a contender and have nothing more to show for it than aguaranteed awkward moment (or two) next time you’re out.

So the obvious solution is to expand your horizons. Get out of yoursocial circle and stop looking for love in the clubs – everyone knowsthat doesn’t work anyway right? So say you do that – you hit thebookstore, go to a poetry reading or a sports bar and come across a manor woman who has potential. “Where has s/he been all my life?” youwonder to yourself. Thing is, while you were over at your Music Loverparty, she was on College street dancing it up with her Backpack crew.Or while you were jumping and wining in Scarborough, she was at Lobbypopping Moet.

But that’s not a big deal, right? It’s just a matter of taste inparties – it has no impact on your relationship. Or does it? On somelevel, isn’t our taste in parties a metaphor for our attitude towardlife? Think about it – if you love dressing up for parties andhobnobbing with celebrities or if you refuse to go to a club that makesyou remove your cap at the door; if you’ll pay $300 for bottle serviceso that you don’t have to mingle with the crowd or you refuse to paymore than $5 cover, doesn’t that on some level relate to the way youapproach life? And if you are dating someone who taste in parties isdiametrically opposed to yours, aren’t you – at least in some small way– dating someone whose values are diametrically opposed to yours?

Maybe you are. But it’s not an insurmountable thing. The beautifulthing about human beings is that we are flexible. And that we can makecompromises. I can hit a Music Lovers party in my jeans and wife-beaterwhile he goes to his Upscale party in his three-piece suit. We’ll justmeet up at Wah Too’s afterward. That’s our middle ground.