So I have my eye on someone. I’m not gonna get into a tonne of detail on here in case he reads it because my entire life need not be fodder for this blog, but this dude’s entire existence has raised an interesting question that I must explore with you all. Here’s how this has [...]
So I have my eye on someone. I’m not gonna get into a tonne of detail on here in case he reads it because my entire life need not be fodder for this blog, but this dude’s entire existence has raised an interesting question that I must explore with you all.
Here’s how this has gone down: met the dude and chatted ever so briefly with him. He gave me his number and I texted him a few days later. Since then we have had a few highly entertaining text conversations but haven’t spoken yet.
This is cool with me, but at Thanksgiving dinner with my girls the other night, quite a few of them were up in arms about it all. “Why don’t you just CALL him??”, “You guys need to TALK on the phone!”, “You’re gonna get to a place where all you do is text!!”.
My response to all this earnestness was a big ole blank stare. Because I really didn’t get what all the fuss was about and I didn’t really see any necessity at this point for us to actually speak.
See the thing is, I hate the phone. I really do. Long telephone conversations are like jail to me. And while I make occasional exceptions for my mum, sister, and a few close friends, in general I don’t answer the phone because I hate it. 99% of all max-initiated communication are via text or bbm. That’s my happy place. So for me to break down and actually speak to someone on the phone means something. At this point, a semi-random dude I’ve had a couple of text conversations with just doesn’t rank.
I know what you’re going to say now – how are we gonna get to know each other if we don’t actually talk? And you’re right. A friend of mine asked me how old dude is and what he does for a living (that’s a girl’s favourite question isn’t it? I don’t get that either but that’s another post for another day) and I didn’t know the answers because the conversations haven’t gone that way. So yeah, I think it’s probably true that I would know more about this dude at this point if we had actually spoken, but this way is fun for now. What’s the big rush?
I’m a sucker for the written word, in all its forms. A mildly steamy text can get me revved up the way a wallet full of $50 bills turns other women on. In the past, I’ve spoken to men and been ambivalent until they started texting me. Words win me over every time. And of course, for a commitment-phobe such as myself, it’s a nice low-investment way to have someone in my life without actually having him in my life.
But for normal people who don’t shun phone conversations, it’s an interesting question. A few months back I was asking a friend of mine if she had yet had a phone conversation with a man she’d been “talking to” for a couple of weeks and she said no. I asked her if that was normal and she had no idea. So I ask you, dear readers, what role does the telephone play in modern courtship?
For me it goes like this: first you text, then you go on a date (you may have a phone conversation or two to plan said date but texting is still the primary mode of conversation). Then you talk on the phone and date for a while, then he graduates to BBM. Or gets kicked off the island for not having a Blackberry. But as we all know, max-logic is not actual logic so you guys tell me how it should go.





i used to be notorious for shunning all forms of phone conversation. so, like you, texts are my friend. they are great for that very initial getting to know you stage….BUT i agree with your girls. you need to talk. there's no rush, but do not fall into the texting trap. i've seen it happen very recently with one of my gfs where she started up a "relationship" on bbm…..and it never went beyond that. she just got too comfortable "chatting" that the fear of actual talking scared her.
you can get so much more out of hearing a person's voice. and it makes the conversation way more efficient. you learn a lot more in less time. annnnd i don't think the "i'm not a phone person" is a good excuse either, coming from a former non-phone person. when you have someone you're interested in and WANT to hear from and talk to, you will become a phone person. maybe not in general and with everyone, but with that person at least.
don't fear the phone!
ah, breakfast dessert. you're so right. you can't really get to know someone via text (although i did learn this morning that homeboy is not a morning person LOL) but i think at the end of the day i cling so hard to textual intercourse because it's easier and safer.
being the a$$hole that i am, i broke it down to dude like this: i don't make calls. but i receive them. graciously. so i guess we'll see what happens…
Saw your video for "Inside Our Heads" on facebook, so I decided to seek you out. (sounds better in my head than reading it out loud…lol) Just read through most of your old blogs. It's funny when you see someone so similar to yourself, makes you laugh and say "I'm not the only weird one". I'm so not a phone person, with anyone, not even my friends. I live for the text. The feeling of rejection isn't so intense when texting, if the convo ends abruptly, you tend not to feel as self-conscious as you would having an actual conversation.
exactly! i like texting because it's so non-invasive, it doesn't really disturb anyone. i know how annoyed i sometimes feel when my phone rings – i don't want someone i'm interested in to feel that way when i call him. with texting there's no expectation of an instant or lengthy response, and if the conversation ends it's no big deal. that's why i love it and you totally get it.
thanks for stopping by!